Daily Jokes

[kursum]

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store and says, “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his ice cream cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!”

[garycousin]

Q. What did the police officer say to the midget complaining that someone picked his pocket?.

six packs abs blog

[mjmacky]

Q. What did the police officer say to the midget complaining that someone picked his pocket?

You managed to make a terrible thread worse. I can't believe you'd stoop so low as to exclude the punchline to a terrible joke.

[anon]

Oh look, it took some time but he did add the answer.

[ziggyjuarez]

That joke wasnt that bad to deserve a b&.

[dion09529]

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[megabyteme]

Q. What did the police officer say to the midget complaining that someone picked his pocket?

You managed to make a terrible thread worse. I can't believe you'd stoop so low as to exclude the punchline to a terrible joke.

It's gotta be something like, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

[mjmacky]

You managed to make a terrible thread worse. I can't believe you'd stoop so low as to exclude the punchline to a terrible joke.

It's gotta be something like, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

Are you not yet acquainted with me?

[megabyteme]

It's gotta be something like, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

Are you not yet acquainted with me?

You, I imagine figured it out. Others, I'd hate to leave them hangin'...

[Stehle]

Two campers are hiking in the woods up in Colorado when one is bitten on his penis by a rattlesnake. "I'll go into town for a doctor," the other hiker says. He runs ten miles back to a small town exhausted and out of breath and finds the town's only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can't leave," the doctor says, "But here's what you need to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground, he'll be fine then" The hiker guy's friend runs back another 10 miles back to his buddy, who now is in real agony, barely clinging to life. "What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. Out of breath from the last leg of his journey of mercy, he seriously whispers hoarsely. "The doctor said says you're gonna die man."




(Variations abound on this, but told to me 30 years ago by my brother-in law in a tent camping in the woods late at night... well I liked this one.)