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Thread: **newsflash..newsflash**

  1. #1
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    JUST IN FROM SCOTTISH TV***

    A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit
    Scotland in the early hours of Monday. Epicentre: Glasgow

    Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "Whit the Fuck"
    and "Ur ye aw right ya awl cnt". The earthquake decimated the area
    causing approximately 30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of
    mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged beyond
    repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals
    were woken well before their giro arrived.

    Scotland Today reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
    bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something
    interesting had happened in the area. One resident - Tracy Shazney
    Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little
    Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest
    two: Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking
    when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

    Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as
    normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of
    Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are
    still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
    personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth
    Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundstrecher.

    HOW CAN YOU HELP?

    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those
    unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought
    after, the most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa
    tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits (female), white sport
    socks, Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Matalan. Food
    parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required
    foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice cream and
    cans of Colt 45 or bottles of Buckie.
    22p buys a biro for filling in the
    compensation forms,
    2.00 buys chips, crisps and bottles of ginger for a family of 9,
    5.00 will pay for a packet of B&Hs and a lighter to calm the nerves
    of those affected.
    Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of
    posh housing is unfair on the population of Glasgow.

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    MediaSlayer's Avatar slowly going deaf
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    whoa!


    sending fiery missiles in manker's japan's general direction.

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    Illuminati's Avatar Simple Bystander BT Rep: +7BT Rep +7
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    Oh jesus - Lamsey, JPaul, WeeMouse, BIGMouse...

    Just so we know later mrcall, would you like to be buried or cremated?


  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
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    Originally posted by Illuminati@3 November 2003 - 20:43
    Oh jesus - Lamsey, JPaul, WeeMouse, BIGMouse...

    Just so we know later mrcall, would you like to be buried or cremated?
    I have no preference...I'll be dead anyway

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    MediaSlayer's Avatar slowly going deaf
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    oh crap, i believed it at first(i only skimmed through it)


    sending fiery missiles in manker's japan's general direction.

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    Proper Bo's Avatar spmado BT Rep: +2
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    that's funny, that's the exact same story I read about Sunderland

    As long as I've got a face
    You've got a place to sit

  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    Guillaume's Avatar Kentish old lady BT Rep: +8BT Rep +8
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    Oh! I knew there was a perfectly logical explanation to this

    Poor Lamsey forced to wear green rags and go hunting to feed his family...

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