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Thread: Why can't I own Canadians?

  1. #1
    n00b
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Denmark
    Posts
    4
    > Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses
    >advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that,
    >as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according
    >to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The
    >following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast
    >resident,
    > ?
    > Dear Dr. Laura:?
    > ?
    > Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's
    >Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
    >knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
    >homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus
    >18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need
    >some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws
    >and how to follow them:?
    > ?
    > When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
    >creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my
    >neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite
    >them??
    > ?
    > I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
    >Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
    >price for her??
    > ?
    > I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in
    >her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is,
    >how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.?
    > ?
    > Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male
    >and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
    >friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.
    >Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians??
    > ?
    > I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus
    >35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to
    >kill him myself??
    > ?
    > A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
    >abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
    >I don't agree. Can you settle this??
    > ?
    > Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I
    >have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.
    >Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here??
    > ?
    > Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the
    >hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by
    >Lev. 19:27. How should they die??
    > ?
    > I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig
    >makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves??
    > ?
    > My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two
    >different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
    >made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also
    >tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to
    >all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -
    >Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
    >affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.
    >20:14)?
    > ?
    > I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am
    >confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word
    >is eternal and unchanging.?

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    n00b
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    1
    I love this. Where did you find it? Do you mind if I share it?

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    n00b
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Denmark
    Posts
    4
    share all you want

    I found it in the off topic forum of PlanetZ - a userforum for Pulsar users


    bizz

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