What can I do?

[Squeamous]

By your description, Squeams, he reads like an absolute wank-the-chickens.

Why do you want him?

Massive Star Trek fan
God I hope he never reads any of this......

[chalice]

By your description, Squeams, he reads like an absolute wank-the-chickens.

Why do you want him?

Massive Star Trek fan
God I hope he never reads any of this......

Hey, I like Star Trek, but I wouldn't fuck a ferengi.

Study the rules of acquisition or something. Chances are someone has already done that joke in this thread so fuck that.

[manker]

Are you kidding me? That works with MOST of them, but this isn't just any old guy, this is a Marks and Spencer guy. He's dead classy and everything. We went to a classical music concert in a church and he didn't fart or look bored once. Plus he doesn't like British comedy so my charms are largely lost on him. If only he was more like you lot my life would be a lot easier, and so would he.
I don't think I'm going to go for the Jeri Ryan costume, I think it would be frowned upon most strongly. I think I shall just tiptoe about like a sexual ninja and get laid somewhere else until he comes around to the idea in his own time

Yeah, you keep that costume for when I'm up in Londinium on a stag weekend in the new year

Usually I find myself raising a judgmental eyebrow at people who rail; 'LOL UR BF IS GAY' when a girl on a male dominated message board waxes lyrical about some guy in her life. But I also find myself wondering if he's good with colours or if he was a little too light on his feet when he whisked you away to the classical music concert in a fecking church.

Then again, he might just be middle aged. My Dad shops in M&S, takes my mam to musicals and tells me that everything I like on telly is shite - and I'm pretty sure he isn't after bumsecks. Hopefully

[manker]

Oh, he likes Star Trek.
Disregard my earlier post. He's obviously got his head screwed on

[Squeamous]

Massive Star Trek fan
God I hope he never reads any of this......

Hey, I like Star Trek, but I wouldn't fuck a ferengi.

Study the rules of acquisition or something. Chances are someone has already done that joke in this thread so fuck that.

Are you kidding me? That works with MOST of them, but this isn't just any old guy, this is a Marks and Spencer guy. He's dead classy and everything. We went to a classical music concert in a church and he didn't fart or look bored once. Plus he doesn't like British comedy so my charms are largely lost on him. If only he was more like you lot my life would be a lot easier, and so would he.
I don't think I'm going to go for the Jeri Ryan costume, I think it would be frowned upon most strongly. I think I shall just tiptoe about like a sexual ninja and get laid somewhere else until he comes around to the idea in his own time

Yeah, you keep that costume for when I'm up in Londinium on a stag weekend in the new year

Usually I find myself raising a judgmental eyebrow at people who rail; 'LOL UR BF IS GAY' when a girl on a male dominated message board waxes lyrical about some guy in her life. But I also find myself wondering if he's good with colours or if he was a little too light on his feet when he whisked you away to the classical music concert in a fecking church.

Then again, he might just be middle aged. My Dad shops in M&S, takes my mam to musicals and tells me that everything I like on telly is shite - and I'm pretty sure he isn't after bumsecks. Hopefully

No, he came with me to the concert because I wanted someone to go with.
Actually I'm starting to recall some advice I gave him about how to play hard to get with women...and......ah, shit

Oh, and if your dad hasn't bumsexed you by now he probably never will. That ship has sailed I'm afraid. But there's always your children?

[manker]

Like fuck.
My dad will have to get in line if he wants to bumsecks my children.

[manker]

Ffs, Squeams. Les is wanting something to put in the wank bank.
The only reason I've been posting here is to keep the thread at the top so I can revel vicariously in your answer.

Details. We must have them.

Sorry, I came as fast as I could. I was busy lolling on Facebook, and then lolling some more at the last few pages. Also trying to sort out all these quotes while they distorted like a bag of shit.
I'm afraid Les doesn't want any gory details; my hands are tied.

Jebus, no wonder you aren't getting any cawk. The details, he wants them gory.

Les said without necessarily being overly specific. That's bloke speak for; 'I'm putting a caveat in there so you don't have a period fit on me for being rude'.

[chalice]

My dad made me promise that after he died, I'd make sure to deposit his ashes up the sphincters of each and every one of my children on a weekly basis.

Glod rest his soul.

[manker]

My dad made me promise that after he died, I'd make sure to deposit his ashes up the sphincters of each and every one of my children on a weekly basis.

Glod rest his soul.

I think I may have just pished myself.

[Squeamous]

Jebus, no wonder you aren't getting any cawk. The details, he wants them gory.

Les said without necessarily being overly specific. That's bloke speak for; 'I'm putting a caveat in there so you don't have a period fit on me for being rude'.

But he doesn't have to do that with me, I have never knowingly been offended.
Anyway, you know what Les is like. He could ask me to do the most degrading things previously thought humanly impossible and I would just think he was being a lovely sweet old thing with a minor pecadillo.

My dad made me promise that after he died, I'd make sure to deposit his ashes up the sphincters of each and every one of my children on a weekly basis.

Glod rest his soul.

You're a good son. He would have been proud x