Dave: Mary, no. I am your father.

[megabyteme]

Fuck me, she's a lefty too. Could she be any more perfect. Quirks ftw.

A mate of mine pulled this deaf girl in a pub after footie a while back. He took her back to his place and later on woke up to discover her in the corner of his room, pissing in his kit-bag. Luckily, he's into that so he ragged her senseless.

True Story.

Am I the only one here who teared up a bit from the romance of it all?

[manker]

I have to remember that I'm dealing with heathens.

Btw I watched a movie called Donkey Punch

The wimins in it are hot and nude and also do sex stuff with people.

Your write up looked promising until I realised that there were no vampires and I see nothing about a diary in the plot description

[IdolEyes787]

Princess Diaries 2:The Trip to Transylvania.

[mjmacky]

Princess Diaries 2:The Trip to Transylvania.

What a temptress you are, you knew manker was a huge fan of the original Princess Diaries didn't you?

[mjmacky]

That took me way longer than 15 minutes to read, probably closer to an hour. I don't know if I'm slow at reading or whether it was because I had to get so close to the screen because the font was small and I kept having to stop because I was uncomfortable.
I also don't know why I didn't use zoom right at the start ... no, hang on, I do; it's because of the 15 minute promise.

I recognise Dave in your dad too, Mary.
That PI stuff is weird. Also I don't understand why at no point did he suggest meeting up with you, it surely would have been quicker and easier to hash out stuff than with all those typed words.

I guess it's easy for me to say but I can see some good in him as well as the obvious bad. He did try really hard initially.
The later emails made it pretty clear, though, that too many bridges were burned. He would have been better advised, if his sentiments were genuine, to have simply said; 'I fucked up so much stuff but I want another chance. If you think there's a small possibility that you could somehow forgive me, perhaps we could meet and talk.'

All that thrashing around and blaming other people was fucking stupid, even if it was half true.
As far as I can see, humility would have been the only card he had to play.

Whoa Nelly. I'm not sure if you were missing my comments, but the guy wasn't in any way a decent fellow. That's how he played his game, he tries to talk up a charm on you, and anybody that's ever been in his company for more than 100 hours knows it's a major front. He also used to be a pretty funny guy, just as long as you weren't disagreeing with him. Basically, it's a con, and he was actually attempting it on me as if I had no memory of my childhood with him. My replies were usually along the lines of, "you need to cut back on that, you're insulting my intelligence to assume I'd be eating this up". Everybody liked the guy the first few times they met him. I was civil with the conversation those first 4-5 months, which is why he kept working his angle, but my brother came straight out and vented, and from what I remember my father sent some pretty nasty emails to him in reply. It dredged up a whole lot of repressed emotions and my brother flipped, justifiably so.

It's probably key information that no one has had anything to do with him for the past 10-15 years, not any of his brothers, obviously none of the ex-wives, none of his sons, none of the former step-families, not a single one. Actually, the only person that was in contact with him was his father, who was just shy of 20 years his senior but looked and seemed younger.

He was also a sick fuck. Besides some of the other tidbits I provided, he would have my brother and I beat each other, and if the crack didn't echo through the house, he'd make us regret our lack of effort. Though to be fair, he usually decided he was suitable to man the reins and thus we only had to beat each other a rather small percentage of the time; however, you remember that shit more than anything else. He hung one of his belts on our bedroom wall, its sole existence was to whip us, typically several times a week. Maybe "hung" was the wrong word, it was mounted horizontally, much like you would put a samurai sword on display.

So basically his mistake was to think I was going to be gullible enough to fall for that. And in typical response, if you don't share his delusions, you're an enemy who's out to deface him. I think "I am sorry that fathered you" puts a key punctuation on that. That's not even the first rendition of it, he used to tell us he hoped to god that he's not our father, that our mother was a whore and probably got knocked up by someone else and he would pray it was true. If it weren't for the fact that I looked like my older brothers (from another mother), I might have started to buy into it at that age (I was like 11 or 12).

Sorry about my 15 minute fib, I didn't take the time to calculate accurately and thought 15 min would be a sufficiently scary number.

[chalice]

Your dad is a total arse-biscuit, but you seemed to have arrived at that conclusion all of your own volition.

Tantalise the bastard forever. Arrange to meet the cunt, citing the transient nature of life, reassessment, and the density of blood in relation to water. Then simply don't turn up and say apologetically that you chickened out at the last minute. Do this every six months until the cunt croaks. Overdue catharsis ftw.

[ckrit]

A couple of thoughts @mary:

I believe we've found the source of your autism

And

Apologies if this has been answered already, I cba to read more:

What do you reckon he was trying to do, really? The man sounds like a bit of a sociopath or similar, so I'm assuming there's something more to what he was doing than just him wanting to be friends again. In my experience, not even being related to you or having known you for many years will make a person like that just come around and want to spend time with you simply because they like you. It's always because they think they might have something more to gain.

[mjmacky]

A couple of thoughts @mary:

I believe we've found the source of your autism

And

Apologies if this has been answered already, I cba to read more:

What do you reckon he was trying to do, really? The man sounds like a bit of a sociopath or similar, so I'm assuming there's something more to what he was doing than just him wanting to be friends again. In my experience, not even being related to you or having known you for many years will make a person like that just come around and want to spend time with you simply because they like you. It's always because they think they might have something more to gain.

I kind of already know why, or what he was looking to gain. The man can't stand having his entire family cut him loose. My other brothers (especially their wives) won't let him even play grandpa, so he approached the two people he had yet to form an adult relationship with. Except the very reason he has alienated himself is that he comes with the entire package or not at all. He thought we would be willing participants in this. I mean, he isn't very clever and I guess that's his downfall, it's just way too obvious.

What frightens me, and still does a little, is that I have held a similar tendency to push off my family. Through certain relationship events in my life, I've been more than willing to head down the same path he has. Was the man born this way? No. That complete distrust in the rest of humanity, including his whole family. I've got demons to fight I guess.

[mjmacky]

Your dad is a total arse-biscuit, but you seemed to have arrived at that conclusion all of your own volition.

Tantalise the bastard forever. Arrange to meet the cunt, citing the transient nature of life, reassessment, and the density of blood in relation to water. Then simply don't turn up and say apologetically that you chickened out at the last minute. Do this every six months until the cunt croaks. Overdue catharsis ftw.

You know those moments in movies where a character is so obvious at their attempts of deception that you are forced to cringe watching the scene, as the entire train wreck of reason, naivete and fail unfold? Well, I hate those fucking scenes, I physically respond to them. I reacted the same to correspondences with him. At least with Dave I can at least compartmentalize and pretend he's entirely a myth. I am physically incapable of trolling my father if it involves having to read anything he writes or listen to anything he says.

I had thought about fucking with his business before, you know like on the internets and stuff, since I know the bastard isn't going to leave me any money. Also, I despise specific types of security guards. Speaking of which, I just went off on a tangent while writing this message to find out if he's had bad business reviews, he has a youtube video now. He's lost a lot of fucking weight, I wouldn't have even recognized him on the street.

[ckrit]

A couple of thoughts @mary:

I believe we've found the source of your autism

And

Apologies if this has been answered already, I cba to read more:

What do you reckon he was trying to do, really? The man sounds like a bit of a sociopath or similar, so I'm assuming there's something more to what he was doing than just him wanting to be friends again. In my experience, not even being related to you or having known you for many years will make a person like that just come around and want to spend time with you simply because they like you. It's always because they think they might have something more to gain.

I kind of already know why, or what he was looking to gain. The man can't stand having his entire family cut him loose. My other brothers (especially their wives) won't let him even play grandpa, so he approached the two people he had yet to form an adult relationship with. Except the very reason he has alienated himself is that he comes with the entire package or not at all. He thought we would be willing participants in this. I mean, he isn't very clever and I guess that's his downfall, it's just way too obvious.

What frightens me, and still does a little, is that I have held a similar tendency to push off my family. Through certain relationship events in my life, I've been more than willing to head down the same path he has. Was the man born this way? No. That complete distrust in the rest of humanity, including his whole family. I've got demons to fight I guess.

Did I say sociopath? I'm just going to put on my internets-psychologist badge and change that to narcissist. Which, incidentally, actually also does fit dave better.

At any rate, at least you don't seem like an idiot, and basically, that should ensure you don't end up being the sort of dim and abusive twat that he seems to be.