I think I just end up getting trolled on dating sites

[mjmacky]

Did I say your personal life was a train wreck? I'm sorry I misspoke, I meant Hiroshima after August 6 1945.

How much after? I mean, you could enjoy some okonomiyaki off of my sizzling buns.

[manker]

All the best attracting a long term partner who will turn a blind eye to your planned polyamorous behaviour whilst remaining pretty much okay about you both maintaining an asexual relationship and who will embrace your barmy; 'yeah we're not having a kid of our own but we can adopt one' stance.

I'm not saying it isn't possible; I am saying you will need to be considerably richer than, say, your common or garden Russian oligarch.

[Squeamous]

+1 ^

[mjmacky]

All the best attracting a long term partner who will turn a blind eye to your planned polyamorous behaviour whilst remaining pretty much okay about you both maintaining an asexual relationship and who will embrace your barmy; 'yeah we're not having a kid of our own but we can adopt one' stance.

I'm not saying it isn't possible; I am saying you will need to be considerably richer than, say, your common or garden Russian oligarch.

I'm not yet at a breaking point to compromise on my perfect partner and settle for something less. Plus, it's not necessarily my polyamorous behavior on the witness stand, but my future partner's. As it stands, Ivana has seen at least 2 to 3 times more action than me. I think it would be silly of me to expect to find a partner who will pledge her sexuality only to me for the length of our relationship.

This could all be because it's not that big of a deal to me. Maybe that's because I'm not all that crazy about it as everyone else, thus I put a lot less weight on it. Should I keep going on about this?

[chalice]

All the best attracting a long term partner who will turn a blind eye to your planned polyamorous behaviour whilst remaining pretty much okay about you both maintaining an asexual relationship and who will embrace your barmy; 'yeah we're not having a kid of our own but we can adopt one' stance.

I'm not saying it isn't possible; I am saying you will need to be considerably richer than, say, your common or garden Russian oligarch.

I'm not yet at a breaking point to compromise on my perfect partner and settle for something less. Plus, it's not necessarily my polyamorous behavior on the witness stand, but my future partner's. As it stands, Ivana has seen at least 2 to 3 times more action than me. I think it would be silly of me to expect to find a partner who will pledge her sexuality only to me for the length of our relationship.

This could all be because it's not that big of a deal to me. Maybe that's because I'm not all that crazy about it as everyone else, thus I put a lot less weight on it. Should I keep going on about this?

[chalice]

[mjmacky]

I don't get it, did anyone else expect it to be the other way around?

[Squeamous]

Oh my God, so much mentalness, where to begin.

I'll wrap up my thoughts to each point into one, hopefully coherent, focused response. What I have learned about polyamorous behavior is this. The actions in our life will trend us toward that behavior sooner or later, it's my realistic approach to it. The second thing I have learned is that honesty about this is the necessary complement to keeping a healthy relationship. It works quite well when there's honesty. I don't know how many partners you've envisioned, but I'm guessing the actual count doesn't stand up to the figure that roughly serves as the placeholder in your head, and it changes whether you decide to require coitus or not. In that respect, it's not about actively going about testing limits, it's about how to decide to handle opportunities when they arrive pending your decision. It was much more passive than that. My fucking about on dating sites may give a misleading image, as I've used it primarily for social correspondence than anything else, and to test the waters of active pursuit. I am not aggressive in physical encounters, and I've probably let 80 % of my opportunities slip away by remaining passive. Any dating activity I've participated in had communications off site, and it was gradual. This is the most active I've ever been and it's still not very active.

OK, I have to break to a 2nd paragraph for elaboration and readability. I think everyone is suited quite well for polyamory, it's open polyamory that we struggle with. I just personally wouldn't have it any other way. I feel pity for those who continue to practice it in secret, mostly for their official partners. That being said, I wouldn't practice it if the person I was with did not desire to have that kind of relationship. But since I am quite full disclosure, I'm unlikely to have a partner who wants to keep all things 100 % exclusive. This design isn't even necessarily for my own benefit, as I've said, I'm pretty asexual, and my dating mostly goes as far as flirty socialization and maybe a modicum of physicality (which I don't hide). But I don't wish for my partner to coexist with guilt, disappointment and regret for what they feel and desire, especially since they can rarely count on me for the sex at the drop of a dime. I cannot, however, excuse the desire of secrecy in all of it; and that, I would say, is my stubborn religious fervor. Why would I trust someone who maintains the position of stealthy operandi?

Lets challenge these great leaping assumptions first of all. Not everybody wants to be polyamorous. When I have been it's usually been in order, in part, to maintain an emotional distance from a person/people I've been involved with. If I choose to be monogamous that's pretty much a green light that I'm ready to get emotionally involved. I find sharing myself about physically keeps me from getting too attached to anybody in particular. I also find sex is waaaaay better when I'm in love, and I'm too much of a romantic to be able to love more than one person at a time. That happened to me once and it fucked with my head and I had to remove myself from the situation. None of the circumstances I enjoy sex in are really satisfied by brief encounters either. My idealised encounter is waking up with a person and spending all day in bed with them, only surfacing for forays to the kitchen. Would I feel excited by a chance encounter? Possibly, and I wouldn't rule that out. But it wouldn't be a way of life, it would be the exception rather than the rule and of course absolute honesty would prevail.

This is the problem I have with the lifestyle you're putting forward. In the end you necessarily end up viewing other people as simply sexual resources, which I disagree with. That landscape of emotional beige I mentioned before is the logical outcome. No great passion, no intellectual or emotional bonding, just the bumping of uglies. Frankly, I'd rather keep respect for other people and just have a wank.

Her reasons for wanting to do that are something only she can defend. It's not like we don't talk, but I don't feel I'm a suitable person to defend her actions/plans/opinions.

You act like a passive bystander in your own life sometimes. Do YOU think it's a good idea that she follows you?

I was being quite light with the comment. How do you know how enthusiastic a Thai ladyboy is anyhow? If I wanted to try being gay once in my life, it would be with a Thai ladyboy, as long as she still has a cute face and a sexy body, it's a safe option. I'm making the distinction, as ladyboys can be either men who have feminized themselves or women born with dicks. And just like tits, I prefer them without cosmetic operation.

I'm assuming they would be enthusiastic for the dorrers.

[mjmacky]

[manker]

All the best attracting a long term partner who will turn a blind eye to your planned polyamorous behaviour whilst remaining pretty much okay about you both maintaining an asexual relationship and who will embrace your barmy; 'yeah we're not having a kid of our own but we can adopt one' stance.

I'm not saying it isn't possible; I am saying you will need to be considerably richer than, say, your common or garden Russian oligarch.

I'm not yet at a breaking point to compromise on my perfect partner and settle for something less. Plus, it's not necessarily my polyamorous behavior on the witness stand, but my future partner's. As it stands, Ivana has seen at least 2 to 3 times more action than me. I think it would be silly of me to expect to find a partner who will pledge her sexuality only to me for the length of our relationship.

This could all be because it's not that big of a deal to me. Maybe that's because I'm not all that crazy about it as everyone else, thus I put a lot less weight on it. Should I keep going on about this?

That's a yes from me.
The only thing I'm currently finding more interesting/perplexing is Busy's refusal to post in the lounge.

It's almost as if he considers moviewolrd to be the back of fst's bus.