I think I just end up getting trolled on dating sites

**mjmacky** · 07-10-2012, 06:58 AM

Originally Posted by manker

He will be fully aware that you just _don't_ fuck your mate's wife. Hence the dodging.
Draw what conclusions you will, mine are - from admittedly less data than you're able to use - that the guy is a complete prick who has little or no regard for you.

No, he was actually seeking consolation/permission before anything happened. I told Ivana to tell him to not bother with any of that, because it'd be pretty fucking weird to have that discussion when nothing had happened (like I know if it did or not). I saw him once when we went out bike riding and dropped by to borrow a sports bottle, but that was the only time I've seen him lately. Everything was pretty normal during that visit, I guess he just gets it worked up in his head during a premeditated visit.

**mjmacky** · 07-10-2012, 07:08 AM

Originally Posted by Squeamous

You can be as enlightened as you like Mary, but other people are still following those old rules. And even if you're not allowing them to dictate your life you can still incorporate them into a basic plan for decency: honesty and integrity are never going to go out of fashion. Back when I was doing the whole sex without strings thing I still had a raft of rules to ensure I still had respect for people and wasn't treating them as little more than sexual resources. It's bad for the soul otherwise. Tbh though I've even lost my stomach for that now. The whole thing is born of all the worst traits in human nature.
Also, can't your wife find other people to fuck than your friends FFS?

I somehow missed yours and manky's comments earlier which is why I'm only replying to them now. Anyways, I agree about honesty and integrity, but they don't seem to be victims in this current situation. Decency is so largely personal, that paying any mind to adhering to it is a waste of time beyond just avoiding to act like a nasty person.

On another note, we keep friends around because we like them, so is it a stretch to observe that there's a tendency for sexual relations between attracting genders among them? Personally, I have already learned that sexual relations with a girl of mutual acquaintance leads to the girl acting like a crazy dishonest nutjob. So that's a particular color of flame I won't personally mess with again. I would say the current situation between Ivana and our friend is the first time she's slept with someone I actually like. For me, it's not been a problem, but we'll see how it plays out on his end and if there's anything I'm supposed to learn from that.

**mjmacky** · 07-10-2012, 07:10 AM

Originally Posted by OlegL

There would be no point for me to do that, since you just explained to me that she would never fuck me.

I am utterly shocked that you learned something and verified that you learned it in one post.

**Squeamous** · 07-10-2012, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by mjmacky

You appear to be extrapolating, I'm not always a tit. Those nice and thoughtful messages rarely get read, let alone receive a reply. I also don't reply to messages that start off with, "hi, how is your morning" from a complete stranger.

I don't understand that first question, so I can't answer it. We sleep in the same bed, we don't use our apartment for those activities. Anyone that considers us a close friend knows all the details of our relationship. If you think I'm at times too candid here, you should see how I am in person.

To give an example, with that Sara girl, I told her about it when she asked why I don't have a significant other. It's just when it comes up, I won't lie about it.

We could come back around to the same argument about being a vital man or whatever you were talking about that one time, but being "decent" doesn't have any automatic appeal. That really depends on the implied connotation, and anything beyond not evil isn't grabbing my interest.

And what girl is going to want to get involved with a man who can't even invite her back to his place? That's what I'm trying to imply by my comments regarding your sleeping arrangements.
This is what puzzles me: you're capable of being very thoughtful and acting with integrity, but then you act out like a spastic. If you were really ready to meet new people you wouldn't be doing it using a medium so unsuitable and from behind the safety of a computer screen. You're the one trolling by the looks of it. I think you're becoming a product of your environment and the world you've created is like when you take a photocopy of a photocopy for several generations. What you started out with is probably not a lot like what you've ended up with. Also, what works in a loving, stable relationship is probably not going to be easily translated to the world at large without a whole lot of mess. Why on Earth would you socialise with people you're having an open marriage with? Again, this is what I was saying about rules and boundaries, and being 'decent'. For instance, I never used to allow two people I was currently sleeping with to be in the same room together, because I used to choose people from different social groups. I didn't want to make THEM feel uncomfortable. Even though they said it was fine, I erred on the side of caution. I wouldn't share partners with a friend, even ex ones. I went with a guy's friend once and would never make that mistake again. The moment you divorce your brain from your groin is the moment it all goes tits-up.

Originally Posted by mjmacky

I somehow missed yours and manky's comments earlier which is why I'm only replying to them now. Anyways, I agree about honesty and integrity, but they don't seem to be victims in this current situation. Decency is so largely personal, that paying any mind to adhering to it is a waste of time beyond just avoiding to act like a nasty person.

On another note, we keep friends around because we like them, so is it a stretch to observe that there's a tendency for sexual relations between attracting genders among them? Personally, I have already learned that sexual relations with a girl of mutual acquaintance leads to the girl acting like a crazy dishonest nutjob. So that's a particular color of flame I won't personally mess with again. I would say the current situation between Ivana and our friend is the first time she's slept with someone I actually like. For me, it's not been a problem, but we'll see how it plays out on his end and if there's anything I'm supposed to learn from that.

See above.

Also, perhaps try engaging your brains before you do things instead of after and you might get better results.

And I don't think you're too candid on here. You seem to take too much pride in it though, a bit like when a person says 'oh I always speak my mind' or 'I don't suffer fools gladly'. Those people are usually the very ones who ought to be a little more responsible because they generally don't care who they upset by their 'honesty', and/or believe their honesty trumps all other considerations.

**mjmacky** · 07-10-2012, 09:10 PM

You missed the read earlier squeams, but I don't actually meet most women online. I meet them through friends and at school or social functions related to the people at my school. But do go on about how to successfully utilize a dating site.

And I'm relatively candid on here compared to the atmosphere. I tried for awhile to remain completely anonymous and private, but that goes against my inherent nature. It still doesn't compare to how I am in person, and I do ascribe to honesty trumping all things. My discretion policy involves not saying anything at all. If my mouth is to be running, it's going to express an honest thought. You may find that selfish and insensitive, but I'm really not interested in participating in all the little games everyone plays with information and distortion. Actually, I should amend that and say that I can enjoy the fun of it in the short term, I can be a very convincing fibber, but I always immediately disclose with "no, I'm just kidding" once I've got them convinced. It's probably very annoying, but I'm working toward my final point.

You're presenting ways to sell me off more effectively as if I'm a catch to be had. I pose that I'm not, and am a much more difficult person to deal with then the common lot, emotionally and intellectually. Plus, there's always the chance that I might physically rough a girl up (which I imagine can also be very annoying). I'm not a striker, just a grappler. On top of all that, I'm slightly overweight and average looking. Like, what are you really trying to accomplish here? Despite all of that, I do rather fine on my own, and most of my complaints are the type of people I meet. So, perhaps point out what you are are trying to get out of this? Molding a jaded egotistical little man into a proud, white, vital man of society? Have you been trying to do that all along?