I think I just end up getting trolled on dating sites

[mjmacky]

Coming up to twenty past six, mate.

Later.

[manker]

Coming up to twenty past six, mate.

Later.

Ttfn, sparkly-candy dragon.

[chalice]

Many thanks, mary, for the pm. I won't respond to it directly, as it was grouped and there's nothing I'd disclose here that you haven't already publicly, to some exultance.

I'm begrudgingly, obliquely ever aware that my opinion counts for fuck all in the scheme of things. What I do care about is the general level of intelligence tolerated by this lounge, however. And I cannot say that mary's posts have detracted from that. More so the opposite. His standard of posts keeps our collective talons pared. Look at the place two years ago, ffs. Closed up, frigid and static. And that was just Darthy. Mary has thickened the soup with his spaghetti hoops to the max. It's a pity that he'll soon commit suicide.

I might post something about my opinions regarding mary's personal endeavours, but I doubt he'd care as to my advice. Which he'll get anyway...

Find a woman and have kids in a loving relationship. She doesn't even have to be sane. Just honest. You'll be a fantastic father cos you've got a brain and you've learned the hard way exactly what not to do. That is all.

[Artemis]

second paragraph seems entirely sensible to me but i wut'd on the first.

I was insinuating that everyone is actually upset about me not letting them in, sort of a reverse egocentrism. It was foul on my part, but I'm not taking it back.

I for one am not suffering from that reverse egocentrism. If you read my last post then you not letting people in is par for the course, I would expect no less.
The point of my and other people's posts really is one of concern over your current situation. You may be currently 'happy' or can accept the situation, but others here are staring aghast at the train wreck that is your life, and out of concern for someone they like trying to kickstart the thinking of someone who doesn't listen to others easily.

[manker]

The point of my and other people's posts really is one of concern over your current situation. You may be currently 'happy' or can accept the situation, but others here are staring aghast at the train wreck that is your life, and out of concern for someone they like trying to kickstart the thinking of someone who doesn't listen to others easily.

This.

[Squeamous]

I don't see where you tried to demonstrate that I was lying to myself, did you just go off on a tangent? Where is my cake? Your entire argument hinges on this cake, which is a prerequisite of consumption. You would have me eating crow, or a shoe, neither being that tasty.

Additionally, you seem to want to curb experimentation with life and the psyche, and claim that doing otherwise is cowardice? You've got things muddled and it might be because you seem to be heavily invested in the concepts on display. Not that I'm rejecting it outright, but there's too many mixed messages that probably stem from you forgetting some of the details. You can label me as fucked up, it's a label I don't really mind, but my approach has been driven by logical retaliation to each of the situations I've been dealt.

I am already alone, but this isn't actually a cry for help. There seems to be a drive to break down the theory of my personal lifestyle, and I'm happy to oblige, but the original point of the thread was to showcase some of the recent silliness I've come across. To read into it any further than that is a stretch of your own imagination. I'm not discouraging it, though, I just want to make sure that's clarified so that you can enjoy a little more breathing room. Continue your analysis if you will.

Actually I'm all for experimentation with the psyche, but I'm not for treating it with cavalier disdain. The heart and mind can and should be broken just like everything else in life, and mended too with time. But what I find distasteful is someone who possesses the ability but not the will to learn from their mistakes. You're like a broken record. Your sermonising on the benefits of polygamy over monogamy are almost religious in fervour. I take each situation as it comes and believe that sometimes monogamy is appropriate and sometimes it isn't, and that will change with different people and time and any other number of factors. There is no one-size-fits-all lifestyle. It just hasn't worked for you in this guise, not that I'd expect you to admit that. In fact, you're the last person I would have expected it to work for, since you are very likely as Artemis has said, to suffer from trust issues. I think the whole polyamory thing is an attempt by you to test your limits rather than born out of desire for multiple sexual partners.

And as for that nonsense, no we're not all suited to polyamory. I'm pretty open minded but I know for a fact that when I love someone and we have a healthy sex life it's far too good for me to want to go elsewhere. Maybe, I figure, if I'm with someone for like, 20 years and we want to experiment on our birthdays or something that would be something I'd consider. I'd never want the life you have though, and that's not because I'm judging you it's because it would make me miserable.

That's probably the most apt description. What is mostly going on right now is that I have a roommate with whom I sometimes share the bed. It's not like I sleep anywhere else, we just don't usally sleep at the same time. It's a very convenient setup. My friend offered me a similar setup consistently throughout the years when I was trying to decide if I was going to leave, but I'm fine where I'm at right now, and I honestly don't want to live with a guy anyway. Things might change once I finish this school thing (soon) and plan to move out of the country. Ivana is thinking of following, but we haven't fully assessed our opportunities for that juncture.

I was insinuating that everyone is actually upset about me not letting them in, sort of a reverse egocentrism. It was foul on my part, but I'm not taking it back.

Eh? You've let us in with all the enthusiasm of a Bangkok ladyboy!

[mjmacky]

Find a woman and have kids in a loving relationship. She doesn't even have to be sane. Just honest. You'll be a fantastic father cos you've got a brain and you've learned the hard way exactly what not to do. That is all.

When I find myself with a woman I can feel reasonably certain with whom I'll be spending the next decade or so, I plan to adopt a child. I also thought I could make an awesome detached but caring father.

[mjmacky]

I was insinuating that everyone is actually upset about me not letting them in, sort of a reverse egocentrism. It was foul on my part, but I'm not taking it back.

I for one am not suffering from that reverse egocentrism. If you read my last post then you not letting people in is par for the course, I would expect no less.
The point of my and other people's posts really is one of concern over your current situation. You may be currently 'happy' or can accept the situation, but others here are staring aghast at the train wreck that is your life, and out of concern for someone they like trying to kickstart the thinking of someone who doesn't listen to others easily.

Well, at least I'm not leading a life to anyone's envy. If I could share one honest thought, you guys could use a little more patience. If When I make a change, I'll be sure to narrate the journey, that is if I'm not already dead.

[mjmacky]

Actually I'm all for experimentation with the psyche, but I'm not for treating it with cavalier disdain. The heart and mind can and should be broken just like everything else in life, and mended too with time. But what I find distasteful is someone who possesses the ability but not the will to learn from their mistakes. You're like a broken record. Your sermonising on the benefits of polygamy over monogamy are almost religious in fervour. I take each situation as it comes and believe that sometimes monogamy is appropriate and sometimes it isn't, and that will change with different people and time and any other number of factors. There is no one-size-fits-all lifestyle. It just hasn't worked for you in this guise, not that I'd expect you to admit that. In fact, you're the last person I would have expected it to work for, since you are very likely as Artemis has said, to suffer from trust issues. I think the whole polyamory thing is an attempt by you to test your limits rather than born out of desire for multiple sexual partners.

And as for that nonsense, no we're not all suited to polyamory. I'm pretty open minded but I know for a fact that when I love someone and we have a healthy sex life it's far too good for me to want to go elsewhere. Maybe, I figure, if I'm with someone for like, 20 years and we want to experiment on our birthdays or something that would be something I'd consider. I'd never want the life you have though, and that's not because I'm judging you it's because it would make me miserable.

I'll wrap up my thoughts to each point into one, hopefully coherent, focused response. What I have learned about polyamorous behavior is this. The actions in our life will trend us toward that behavior sooner or later, it's my realistic approach to it. The second thing I have learned is that honesty about this is the necessary complement to keeping a healthy relationship. It works quite well when there's honesty. I don't know how many partners you've envisioned, but I'm guessing the actual count doesn't stand up to the figure that roughly serves as the placeholder in your head, and it changes whether you decide to require coitus or not. In that respect, it's not about actively going about testing limits, it's about how to decide to handle opportunities when they arrive pending your decision. It was much more passive than that. My fucking about on dating sites may give a misleading image, as I've used it primarily for social correspondence than anything else, and to test the waters of active pursuit. I am not aggressive in physical encounters, and I've probably let 80 % of my opportunities slip away by remaining passive. Any dating activity I've participated in had communications off site, and it was gradual. This is the most active I've ever been and it's still not very active.

OK, I have to break to a 2nd paragraph for elaboration and readability. I think everyone is suited quite well for polyamory, it's open polyamory that we struggle with. I just personally wouldn't have it any other way. I feel pity for those who continue to practice it in secret, mostly for their official partners. That being said, I wouldn't practice it if the person I was with did not desire to have that kind of relationship. But since I am quite full disclosure, I'm unlikely to have a partner who wants to keep all things 100 % exclusive. This design isn't even necessarily for my own benefit, as I've said, I'm pretty asexual, and my dating mostly goes as far as flirty socialization and maybe a modicum of physicality (which I don't hide). But I don't wish for my partner to coexist with guilt, disappointment and regret for what they feel and desire, especially since they can rarely count on me for the sex at the drop of a dime. I cannot, however, excuse the desire of secrecy in all of it; and that, I would say, is my stubborn religious fervor. Why would I trust someone who maintains the position of stealthy operandi?

Her reasons for wanting to do that are something only she can defend. It's not like we don't talk, but I don't feel I'm a suitable person to defend her actions/plans/opinions.

Eh? You've let us in with all the enthusiasm of a Bangkok ladyboy!

I was being quite light with the comment. How do you know how enthusiastic a Thai ladyboy is anyhow? If I wanted to try being gay once in my life, it would be with a Thai ladyboy, as long as she still has a cute face and a sexy body, it's a safe option. I'm making the distinction, as ladyboys can be either men who have feminized themselves or women born with dicks. And just like tits, I prefer them without cosmetic operation.

[Artemis]

Did I say your personal life was a train wreck? I'm sorry I misspoke, I meant Hiroshima after August 6 1945.