A Bit Of A Laugh

[Aurora]

Good Jokes
That farm boy is the best

[spazola]

i have a lot of bush jokes here... i dont know if they've been said allready i haven't read all the jokes

the ones i read were funny as hell though

Bush Jokes Galore

[baccyman]

Little Friend
A man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy."

Bartender says, "You want them both now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?"

The guy says, "Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here." He then pulls a little 3 inch man out of his pocket.

The bartender asks, "You mean to say, he can drink that much?" "Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some," the man retorted.

So, the bartender pours the 2 shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.

"That's amazing!" says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he walk?"

The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, "Hey, Rodney, go fetch that quarter." The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter and runs back down and gives it to the man.

The bartender is in total shock. "That's amazing!" he says. "What else can he do? Does he talk?"

The man looks up at the bartender with a look of surprise in his eye and says, "Talk? Sure he talks. Hey, Rodney, tell him about that time we were in down in Africa, on safari, hunting and you called that native Witch doctor a moron!"

[baccyman]

Bounce to His Booze
On the top of a tall building in a large city, there was a bar. In this bar, a man was drinking heavily. He would ask the bartender for a tequila shot, then walk out to the balcony and jump off. Minutes later, he would appear in the elevator and repeat the whole process.

This one guy watched this happen a number of times until curiosity got the better of him. Finally, he went up to the man and asked, "Hey, you keep drinking, then jumping off the balcony. And yet, minutes later, you're back again. How do you do it?"

"Well, the shot of tequila provides buoyancy such that when I get near the ground, I slow down and land gently. It's lots of fun. You should try it."

The guy, who was also quite drunk out of his gourd, thought to himself, Hey, why not? So he goes to the bar, drinks a shot of tequila, then walks out to the balcony, and jumps off, and Whoa! Splat!

The bartender looks over at the first guy and says, "Superman, you're real mean when you're drunk."

[baccyman]

In Jerusalem, a female journalist heard about an old Jew who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She goes to the Western Wall and there he is! She watches him pray about 45 minutes, when he turns to leave, she approaches him for an interview. "I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 50 years."

"50 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Jews and the Arabs. I pray for all the hatred to stop, and I pray for our children to grow up in safety and friendship."

"how do you feel after doing this for 50 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a f**kin' wall."

[baccyman]

Two bone weary public servants were working their little hearts and souls out. Their department was just too busy for staff to be able take flex.
But there had to be a way........ One of the two public servants suddenly lifted his head. "I know how to get some time off work" the man whispered.

"How?" hissed the blonde at the next workstation.

Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around. No sign of his Director. He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of ceiling tiles and hoisted himself up. "Look!" he hissed, then swinging his legs over a metal pipe, hung upside down.

Within seconds, the Director emerged from the Branch Head's office at the far end of the floor. He saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he thought he was doing.

"I'm a light bulb," answered the public servant.

"I think you need some time off," barked the Director. "Get out of here - that's an order - and I don't want to see you back here for at least another two days! You understand me?"

"Yes sir" the public servant answered meekly, then jumped down, logged off his computer and left.

The blonde was hot on his heels.

"Where do you think you're going?" the boss asked.

"Home," she said lightly. "I can't work in the dark."

[baccyman]

Redneck goes to a pharmacist and says: "I've got a hot date for tonight, an' I needs me some pertection. How much is a pack a' them thar rubbers gonna cost me?"
To which the pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."

To which the redneck replies: "TACKS! Gawd a'mighty, don't they stay on by themselves?!"

[baccyman]

An Alabama preacher rose with an angry red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family. "
No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and voice shook as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klan. I told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

[baccyman]

An old man went in to see the doctor and said, "Doc, I'm turning eighty tomorrow. I've hired a hooker for the night, and I'd love to do it just one more time before I die. Can you give me something that'll get me up?"
The doctor smiled. "I don't normally prescribe this stuff, but I think in your case I can make an exception for one night."

Later that night, out of curiosity, the doctor phoned the elderly man and asked, "How's it going?"

"Fabulous," the old man said. "I've cum three times already."

"That's great," the doctor said. "the hooker must be astounded."

"Not exactly," the old man said. "She's not here yet."

[Autumn Fox]

Originally posted by baccy_man@7 January 2004 - 21:48
(...)
"Fabulous," the old man said. "I've cum three times already."

"That's great," the doctor said. "the hooker must be astounded."

"Not exactly," the old man said. "She's not here yet."

Good one