A Bit Of A Laugh

[baccyman]

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains. So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?"
"Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the washing." "What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women.

"Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like that, you don't do the laundry."

[baccyman]

An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old crone, entered the doctor's office. "We have come for an examination" said the young girl.
"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."

"No, not me," said the girl. "It's my old aunt here."

"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."

[baccyman]

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"

The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

[baccyman]

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She is chatting to St.Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful blood-curdling screams. "Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes bored on their shoulder blades for the wings." The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood-curdling screams."Oh my goodness," says the old lady,"now what is happening?" "Not to worry," says St. Peter, "they are just having their head drilled to fit the halo." "I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going down to hell." "You can't go there," says St. Peter, "you'll be raped and sodomized." "Yes," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that!".

[twisterX]

Originally posted by baccy_man@27 November 2003 - 00:54
A professor of mathematics sent a fax to
his wife. It read:

"Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54
years old, and I have certain needs which you
are no longer able to satisfy. I am
otherwise happy with you as wife, and I
sincerely hope you will not be hurt or
offended to learn that by the time you
receive this letter, I will be at the Grand
Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant.
I'll be home before midnight.
-- Your Husband"

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a
faxed letter waiting for him that read as
follows:

"Dear Husband:
You, too, are 54 years old, and
by the time you receive this letter, I will be
at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old
pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician
that you are, you can easily appreciate the
fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times
than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

lol i get it.

[Autumn Fox]

Originally posted by baccy_man@14 February 2004 - 17:52
(...)
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

[baccyman]

Jane entered the kitchen one morning, reached to turn on the light, and it didn't work. After replacing the bulb, still no light. When John, her husband, came home, she said "Honey, the light switch is broken. Could you fix it for me please? To which John replied while displaying proudly the front of his T-Shirt, "Do you see 'Electrician' written on the front of this shirt?" Jane said nothing.
Next day John came home and Jane said, "Honey, the cabinet door fell off today. Could you put it back on for me please?" To which John, of course, replied, "Do you see 'Carpenter' written anywhere on the front of this shirt?"

Next day John came home and Jane said, "Honey, the water pipe under the sink is leaking. Could you fix it for me please?" Right! John replied, "Do you see 'plumber' written anywhere on the front of this shirt?"

Next day John came home and the light switch was working, the cabinet door had been replaced, and the pipe wasn't leaking. John said, "I see you found some good repairmen". To which Jane replied, "No, I just called the neighbor next door." John asked, "Oh really? And how much did he charge?"

Jane laughed and said, "He didn't charge anything. He said I could just bake him some "goodies" or we could trade it out in sex." To which, of course, John asked, "Well, what kind of "goodies" did you bake for him?"

And Jane said proudly while displaying the front of her shirt, "Honey, do you see Betty Crocker written on here anywhere?"

[baccyman]

Little Leroy was at home doing his Math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine."
In that moment, his mother comes in and hears what he is saying.

"Leroy, what are you doing?! Why are you saying that?!"

Little Leroy answered, "I'm doing my Math homework, Mom."

She said, "And is that what your teacher taught you?"

He replied, "Yes."

The next day, the mother, worried about the education her son is receiving, goes to Little Leroy's school to talk to the teacher. The mother said to his Math teacher, "I would like to know what you are teaching my son in Math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition problems."

Little Leroy's mother asked, "And... are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

When the teacher stopped laughing she replied, "Not at all! What I taught them was two plus two THE SUM OF WHICH IS four."

[baccyman]

After driving for about ten hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As soon as he falls asleep, he is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab. "Can you tell me the time, please?" asks a jogger. "Yeah, it's 4:30," answers the trucker. He falls asleep again, but he is awoken again by another jogger who wants to know the time. "It's 4:40!" yells the trucker. Deciding to really try to sleep a little, he writes on a piece of paper: I DON'T KNOW THE TIME!
He sticks the paper in his windshield, but he is awoken again. 'It's 5:25" says another jogger.

[baccyman]

The teacher asked the children in her class, what they want to be when they grow up.
"I want to be an actress," Susie says.

"Good girl, Susie."

"I want to be an astronaut," Cliff says.

"Good boy, Cliff."

"And I want to be a sex therapist," Little Johnny yells out.

"Would you please tell the class how you think your job is going to be like?"

"Okay, Miss. Look out of the window. Three women are walking down the street, eating ice cream. One is licking, one is sucking, and one is biting. Would you please tell the class which one is married?"

"Get out of the class, Johnny, and come back with your parents!"

Johnny returns and is asked to explain what he has just said, to which he replies...

"The one that is married, is the one that has a wedding ring and it is people like you, Miss, that I am going to treat."