A Bit Of A Laugh

[baccyman]

For all those men who say, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize its not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage

[baccyman]

Q: Do you know why the doctor spanks a new born baby?
















A: It knocks the dick off the stupid ones!

[baccyman]

Send someone over quickly! The old woman screamed into the phone. "Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window!"
"This is the Fire Department, lady," the voice replied. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department."

"No, it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "They need a longer ladder!"

[h121589]

ya good jokes

[baccyman]

Two men are sitting in a bar. One says to the other, "I think it's spelled W-H-H-O-O-O-M-B."
The other man replies, "No, wouldn't it be more like W-H-H-H-O-O-M-M-B-B?"

The waitress is walking by and says, "You guys are both idiots! It's spelled W-O-M-B, you jerks!" and she storms off.

The one man turns to his friend and says, "How do you like that? She's heard an elephant fart too!"

[baccyman]

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said:" What are your golf clubs doing here"? He" looked her right in the eye .... and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?

[teju2k]

Once a farmer is fed up with his threats of "I'll take you to the jungle if you create more mischief" and takes his youngest goat to the jungle. Suddenly out of nowhere 3 robbers appear and rob him of all his belongings including his clothes. They tie him to a tree completely naked with his baby goat hiding behind the bush.

3 days pass and he's rescued by a passer-by. After getting himself untied from the tree the farmer immediately picks up a nearby stick and starts beating the living daylights out of the goat. Puzzled the passer-by asks "After being freed after 3 days the first thing you do is beat your goat?" On which farmer replies "FOR THE PAST THREE DAYS I AM TRYING TO TELL HER I AM NOT HER MOTHER"

[baccyman]

A week after their wedding, redneck newlyweds, Jed and Daisy, paid a visit to their doctor.
"I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," says Jed. "My privates are turning BLUE."

"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."

The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, Jed's privates ARE blue.

The doctor turns to Daisy and asks: "Daisy, are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed?

"Yeah, I am," she replied.

"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"

"Grape," she answers.

[baccyman]

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

[baccyman]

A man is being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turns yellow, just in front of him. He does the honest thing, and stops at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman hits the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she is still in mid-rant, she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer orders her to exit her car with her hands up. He takes her to the police station where she is searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer is waiting with her personal effects. He says, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the "Choose Life" license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do" bumper sticker, the "Follow Me to Sunday School" bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk." "Naturally I assumed you had stolen the car."