A Bit Of A Laugh

[Autumn Fox]

Originally posted by ilw@23 July 2004 - 20:23
digits as in fingers or if its the y2k thing you didn't understand, the main y2k bug was that computers with only 2 digits storing the year eg 1999 -> 99 would think that 2000 -> 00 was before 99 and do all sorts of stupid things

Y2K isn't a problem, i remember it well. I don't get what a jelly has to do with fingers.

[Loomis]

KY Jelly is a water-based lubricant for use during intercourse and related sexual activities.

This information, combined with your prior knowledge of digits=fingers, and the Y2K-issue, should lead you to a satisfying chuckle.



I'm not trying to be a tosser, I just wish I could reply like JPaul sometimes...
Damn him and his witty retorts!!


Edit: Punctuation error

[Autumn Fox]

Jelly ? You use jelly for it ? And there are so many hungry people around the world (1 die of starvation each 8 seconds)

But, yeah, i get it.

[tesco]

keep this thread alive.

full of SO many useful jokes.

[baccyman]

The Smiths were dining out when his wife noticed her ex-husband at the bar.
"Honey," she said as she pointed the guy out, "that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

Her husband said, "That's silly, no one celebrates that much."



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A man at a restaurant asks the waiter, “How do you prepare your chickens?
The waiter replies, “Nothing special. We just tell’em they’re gonna die.”



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A couple were indulged in sexual intercourse and the man noticed that with each movement of his penis, his partner's toes would rise.
Later that night, while going at it pretty hot and heavy in the shower, her toes remained still.

Confused, he asked, "Why is it that when we do it in bed, your toes go up, but when we do it in the shower, they don't?"

"Silly," she replied, "I take my pantyhose off in the shower!"

[baccyman]

A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi from one city were taking a car ride to a conference on world religions. On the highway they were in an accident.
First the Priest steps out, makes the sign of the cross and says, "Oh, God, thank you for letting us survive."

Then the Minister crosses himself and says, "Thank you dear Lord for protecting us."

Finally the Rabbi steps out and likewise makes the sign of the cross. The Priest and Minister look at each other.

Baffled, the Minister says, "We thought you didn't believe in that."

To which the Rabbi responds, "Ach no, I was just checking to make sure I have everything -- spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch."



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Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Henry loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up. Ernie looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna' tell his wife?" They draw straws. Joe picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."

Joe goes over to Henry's apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants. Joe declares: "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home." "Tell him to drop dead!" says the wife. "I'll go tell him." says Joe.

[baccyman]

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." "Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..." He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long, I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh? "She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. "But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..." "You want dirty words, cutie pie?... ....LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"

[Autumn Fox]

Originally posted by baccy_man@27 July 2004 - 15:41
(...)YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"

I ain't gonna marry noone, nah ha

[cpt_azad]

Originally posted by Autumn Fox+27 July 2004 - 21:50--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Autumn Fox @ 27 July 2004 - 21:50)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-baccy_man@27 July 2004 - 15:41
(...)YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, YOU AREN&#39;T GOING ANYWHERE&#33; GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"

I ain&#39;t gonna marry noone, nah ha [/b][/quote]
lol PIMP for life

[Autumn Fox]

Better that then:

#1 Her friends invading YOUR home (saying no is fatal)
#2 Waking up besides her and noticing how she really looks before make up (saying anything is fatal; after party it is impossible to as both of you look like shit, if the party really good)
#3 Quarreling is fatal, you loose no matter what, even if you win
#4 Getting home drunk and having lipstick on your whatever is fatal
#5 Getting home late to very late makes her pissed
#6 Forgetting about an aniversery of anything makes her "feel forgoten", "useless" or whatever else to play with our guilt and also makes her point it out whenever she needss it, irrelevant wheter it&#39;s logical in given situation or not
#7 Answering stupid questions (Am i fat ? I dare you to answer this one honestly)
#8 Mather-in-Law, speaks for it self
#9 Look at a babe and she&#39;ll get a aching head for a month or two or a year
#10 And even if she doeasn&#39;t she&#39;ll buy thing to make her look pretty (If you&#39;re not, you&#39;ll never be - live with it) and BOOM you&#39;re flat-ass broke
#11 The killer phrase: I&#39;m pregnant honney and i&#39;m keeping it (you keep it, i beat it)

Got milk ?