A Bit Of A Laugh

**baccyman** · 10-20-2004, 08:11 AM

Originally Posted by 15%

Baccy why dont you post in other parts of the forum?
you could simply post these items in the lounge and youd get more dialogue...

i would read more of your posts if i saw you elsewhere on the forum

i have made posts in other parts of the forum . i have made posts in software world helping people out in there when i can .
and i have made posts in movie and tv world.

**baccyman** · 10-20-2004, 12:12 PM

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

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Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40.
He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"

The driver says, "Bout what?"

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Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
(It took her a month to realize she could play it in the afternoon.)

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What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
(They drowned during Spring Training.)

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A group of blondes in a class at Texas A&M University were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they went out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they fell off the ladders, dropped the tape measures and pencils -- the whole thing was just a mess.
An engineering student comes along and sees what they're trying to do. He walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, and then gives the measurement to one of the blondes and walks away.

After the engineer had gone, one blonde turned to another and laughed: "Isn't that just like a dumb engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!

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A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale Has hit Mexico.
Two million Mexicans have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

Canada is sending soldiers to help the Mexican army control the riots.

The European community (except France) is sending food and money.

The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million replacement Mexicans.

God Bless America!

**Autumn Fox** · 10-20-2004, 12:32 PM

@baccy:

#1 Except France ? Why ?
#2 Why do you have such a low post count ???

@15%: That'd be spaming.

**baccyman** · 10-20-2004, 01:07 PM

Originally Posted by Autumn Fox

@baccy:

#1 Except France ? Why ?
#2 Why do you have such a low post count ???

@15%: That'd be spaming.

why France that is how the joke was sent to me . could be something to do with them not wanting to get involved in the Iraq war .

and why such a low post count i don't know when the server went down i ended up as a newcomer and a fair chunk of the jokes were gone aswell.

**baccyman** · 10-21-2004, 12:08 PM

Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Little Rock, Arkansas burned down?
Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.

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A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"
Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't care one way or the other.

**baccyman** · 10-22-2004, 12:10 PM

Dr. Johnson was walking down the hall toward his office when he passed Sister Francine walking hurriedly the other direction while saying her rosary very loudly.
His associate, Dr. Wheil, comes around the corner next chuckling to himself....

"Hey, what's with Sister Francine? She was just tearing down the hall and saying her rosary like there was no tomorrow!"

"Aw, I just told her she was pregnant."

"You're kidding! Is she really?"

"No, of course not, but it sure cured her hiccups!"
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Nancy, a city girl, married a farmer.

One morning, before the farmer went out to the field, he said, "Honey, the artificial insemination man is coming over this morning to impregnate one of the cows. I put a nail in a two-by-four over the stall. Please show him where it is."

When the man arrived, Nancy led him down the row of stalls until she saw the nail. She pointed to the stall and the man remarked, "Are you sure?"

"Yep, it's the one with the nail," said Nancy.

"What's the nail for?" inquired the man.

"Well, I guess it's there to hang your pants on."

**baccyman** · 10-23-2004, 12:22 PM

A group of rednecks went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day. That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck.
"Where's Billy Bob?" one of his buddies asked between spits of chewing tobacco.

"Billy Bob looked to had a stroke of some kind. Passed right out he did! He's a couple a miles back up the trail."

"You left Billy Bob jes a-laying out there and carried this here deer back?!"

"Yeah, it were a tough call," nodded the deer-totin' redneck, "but I figured no one's gonna steal Billy Bob!"

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King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place which made it basically useless.
"This is no good, Merlin!" the King exclaimed, "Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect my lady, the Queen, when I'm on a long quest?"

"Ah, sire, just observe," said Merlin. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

"Merlin, you are a genius!" said the grateful monarch. "Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected."

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon a lengthy Quest.

Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.

Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad.

"Sir Galahad," exclaimed King Arthur. "You are my one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours."

But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.