A Bit Of A Laugh

[baccyman]

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?” The man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex. “Oh I see,” replied the boy pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that in health class at school.” He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, “Why are there three in this package.” The dad replies, “Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.” “Cool!” says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks “Then who are these for?” “Those are for college men.” the dad answers, “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.” “WOW!” exclaimed the boy. “Then who uses these?” he asks, picking up a 12-pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March…”

[baccyman]

An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72. The following week, he walked in with 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week. The teller said, “Fluctuations.” The Asian man stormed out, and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, “Fluc you Amelicans, too!”

[baccyman]

A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. He happens to look down the bar and sees a man with a head the size of a cue ball sitting there, so he walks down and says to the man, “Excuse me, sir, I don’t mean to be rude, but I noticed you have a small head. Is this a birth defect?” The man says, “No, I got this in the war. My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. I was the only survivor on the ship, so I swam to shore.” “Then one day, a mermaid swam up to me and said she would grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I wanted to return to the U.S. The mermaid granted that wish. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Wish granted. My third wish was to have sex with the mermaid.” “What she’d say?” the curious stranger asked. “She said, ‘I can’t grant that wish, because mermaids can’t have sex.’ ” “So,” continued the old man with a dejected look on his face, “I said, ‘How about a little head?’ ”

[baccyman]

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks the sales clerk: “Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?” The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: “Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models.” The old woman then asks: “Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss ththiickk?” The clerk responds, “Yes we do.” “Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo ttturrrnnn ttthe ddddaaammmmnnn ttthingggg offffff?”

[bujub22]

wow u got jokes fo days.

[baccyman]

and there's more to come

[baccyman]

A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed. “Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admits the surgeon. “I’m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.” “What!” gasps the patient. “You mean I’ll never experience another erection?” “Oh, you might,” the surgeon reassures him. “Just not yours.”

[baccyman]

Worried about their less-than-exciting sex life, a young wife sent her husband to a therapist, who wound up treating him with self-hypnosis. And, to the wife's joy, everything got much better. However, she could not help but notice that each night, early into their lovemaking, the husband would dash out to the bathroom for several minutes. This tormented her until finally, one night, she followed him. There, in front of the mirror, she found him applying this therapeutic technique: “She’s not my wife…She’s not my wife…She’s not my wife…”

[baccyman]

An old man walks into a doctor’s office and says, “There’s something wrong with my penis.” The embarrassed receptionist leans over her desk and whispers, “Sir, you shouldn’t say something like that in a crowded office.” “What am I supposed to do?” he asks. “You could’ve said you have a problem with your ear and then discussed it with the doctor privately.” “OK, I’ll try again.” So the old man walks out of the office, returns a moment later, and says, “There’s something wrong with my ear.” “OK,” the receptionist says approvingly. “What’s wrong with your ear?” “I can’t piss out of it.”

[FuNkY CaPrIcOrN]