A Bit Of A Laugh

[baccyman]

That SOB


Priest: What is your sin child?
Girl : I confess father, I called a man a son-of-a-bitch...
Priest: Why?
Girl : Father he touched me....
Priest: Like this????
(The priest then touches the girl...)
Girl : Yes!!!
Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son-of-a-bitch.
Girl : Yes but then he stripped me naked...
Priest: Like this???
(The priest then rips the girl's clothes off.)
Girl : Yes!!!
Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son-of-a-bitch.
Girl : Yes but then he had sex with me...
Priest: Like this???
(The priest then has wild sex with her.)
Girl : Yes exactly like that!!!
Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son-of-a-bitch.
Girl : But father he had genitle herpees!!!
Priest: That son-of-a-bitch!!!!!

[baccyman]

The wives of four presidents and prime minister are talking together about
how a penis is called in their language. The wife of Tony Blair says that,
in England, people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women
are entering. The wife of Boris Yeltsin says that, in Russia, you call it
a patriot, because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on
the back side. The wife of Chirac says that, in France, you call it a
curtain, because it goes down after the act. Well the wife of Clinton says
in the USA, you call it a rumour, because it goes from mouth to mouth.

[baccyman]

A policeman passes a parking lot around midnight and notices a couple inside a parked car. He stops to investigate and sees a man in the driver’s seat and a young lady sitting in the backseat, quietly reading a magazine. The officer knocks on the driver’s window and asks what’s going on. “Listening to music,” the guy says. Pointing toward the young lady in the backseat, the officer asks, “And what’s she doing?” “Reading a magazine, of course.” “How old are you?” asks the officer. “I’m 28.” “And how old is she?” The guy looks at his watch and says, “Well, in 11 minutes she’ll be 18.”

[baccyman]

Laugh at the Pregnant Lady


A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus.
When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling
humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and
he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth
move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

The case came before the court, and when asked why he acted in
such a manner, the man replied, "When the lady boarded the bus I
couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an
advertisement which read, 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.'
Then she moved under one that read, 'Sloans Liniments Remove
Swelling.' I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving
advertisement which read, 'William's Stick Did The Trick.' Then
I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move
she sat under an advertisement which read, 'Dunlop Rubber would
have prevented this accident.'" He won the case.

[baccyman]

The Quickie

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday
afternoon quickie with their ten year old son in the apartment
was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on
all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into
operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he
said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few minutes passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's
riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" The startled
father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

[baccyman]

3 Wishes and the Mother In Law


There once was a man who traveled to a strange foreign country,
and while he was there he found a strange old lamp of some sort.
When he got home he polished off the lamp, and out came a genie.
Then the genie said "I'll give you three wishes, but on one
condition, your mother in law gets twice as much as you wish."

So the man decided for his first wish that he wanted 1 billion
dollars, so his mother in law (who lived across the street) got
2 billion dollars. For the man's second wish he decided that he
wanted to have a 200 room mansion, so his mother in law got a
400 room mansion. For the man's last wish, he took a long time
to think it out, and then he said to the genie, "I wish you
choked me half to death."

[[B][O][T]]

A policeman passes a parking lot around midnight and notices a couple inside a parked car. He stops to investigate and sees a man in the driver’s seat and a young lady sitting in the backseat, quietly reading a magazine. The officer knocks on the driver’s window and asks what’s going on. “Listening to music,” the guy says. Pointing toward the young lady in the backseat, the officer asks, “And what’s she doing?” “Reading a magazine, of course.” “How old are you?” asks the officer. “I’m 28.” “And how old is she?” The guy looks at his watch and says, “Well, in 11 minutes she’ll be 18.”

That was a good one

[Mr. Elmo]

whooooaaaa this is the first post i saw w/ [b][o][t] in it taht i can reply to...most of the post i see him in, gets closed

[Infested Cats]

Originally posted by baccy_man@15 December 2003 - 19:48
George W. Bush was thrilled at finally being able to spend his first night in the White House, but something very strange happened. On the very first night, he was awakened by George Washington’s ghost. Bush asked the ghost, “President Washington, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” “Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised Washington. With all the excitement of the White House, Bush still couldn’t sleep well, and then, later on that night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. “Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Bush asked. “Cut taxes and reduce the size of the government,” Jefferson answered. Bush still couldn’t sleep well, so much later, on the same night he saw another ghostly figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln’s ghost. “Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?,” Bush asked. Lincoln replied, “Go see a play.”

Bravo!

[baccyman]

Full of Crap


One morning, an old lady goes to the grocery store to buy cat
food for her little cat. She looks around and picks the most
expensive kind of cat food. As she approaches the cashier, she
tells her, "Nothing but the best for my little kitty." The clerk
tells the old lady that she can't sell her the cat food because
a lot of old people buy cat food to eat it. She then tells the
old lady that she needs proof that she has a cat. So the old
lady goes home, takes her cat, and drags it to the store. Once
the clerk sees that the old lady actually has a cat, she sells
her the cat food.

The next day, the old lady goes to the grocery store again this
time to buy dog food. She looks around and picks the most
expensive kind of dog food. As she approaches the cashier, she
tells her, "Nothing but the best for my little puppy." The clerk
tells the old lady that she can't sell her the dog food because
a lot of old people buy dog food to eat it. She then tells the
old lady that she needs proof that she has a dog. So the old
lady, who is now very frustrated, goes home, takes her dog, and
drags it to the store. Once the clerk sees that the old lady
actually has a dog, she sells her the dog food.

The next day the old lady goes back to the grocery store with a
jar in her hands. The jar is covered with old newspapers and it
has a little hole at the top. The old lady goes directly to the
clerk and politely asks the clerk to stick her finger in. The
clerk immediately refuses because she is afraid that the old
lady has a snake inside. The old lady assures the clerk that
there is nothing in the jar that will bite her. So the clerk
sticks her finger inside the jar and feels around. She tells the
old lady that whatever is inside, is very soft and mushy. The
old lady now tells the clerk to take her finger out, and smell
it. The clerk does what she is told. As soon as she begins to
smell her finger, she starts to yell. She told the old lady that
the jar is full of crap and her finger smells like shit. The old
lady, with a smile from one ear to the other, tells the clerk,
"Very well. Now Do you think I can buy three rolls of toilet
paper?"