A Bit Of A Laugh

[baccyman]

Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary K. and said, "Oh, Jack, give me a pint o' the brandy."
"Sister Mary Katherine," exclaimed Jack, "I could never do that! I have never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!"

"Oh, Jack", she responded, "it's only for the Mother Superior." Her voice dropped, "It helps her constipation, you know."

So Jack sold her the brandy. Later that night Jack closed the store and walked home. As he passed the nunnery, who should he see but Sister Mary Katherine! And She was plastered!! She was singing and dancing, whirling around and flapping her arms like a bird, right there on the sidewalk.

A crowd was gathering. Jack pushed through and exclaimed, "Sister Mary Katherine! For Shame!! And you told me this was for the Mother Superior's constipation!"

Sister Mary Katherine didn't miss a beat. She replied, "And so it is. When she sees me, she's gonna sh*t.

[baccyman]

A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone.
The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.

"Sir," she said, "I just received the best news you could ever imagine.I have to share it with someone or I'll bust." She told him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.

The man shared her enthusiasm as he shared his experience. He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had laid eggs.

He was so happy. He added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."

The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me too."

[Autumn Fox]

Originally posted by baccy_man@2 February 2004 - 15:27
(...)
He was so happy. He added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."

The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me too."

Good one. Made me laugh.

[cpt_azad]

Originally posted by Autumn Fox+2 February 2004 - 16:05--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Autumn Fox @ 2 February 2004 - 16:05)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-baccy_man@2 February 2004 - 15:27
(...)
He was so happy. He added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."

The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me too."

Good one. Made me laugh. [/b][/quote]
ouch&#33; feel sorry for her husband . dude, keep em coming, man, someone should pin this. it&#39;s just too funny and not to mention that it&#39;s so long&#33; PROPS TO baccy_man, keep it up

[baccyman]

Osama bin Laden, feeling sickly and concerned about his mortality, consults a psychic about the date of his impending death. Closing her eyes, and silently reaching into the future realm, she finds the answer. “You will die on an American holiday.” “Which one?” bin Laden asks nervously. “Doesn’t matter,” replied the psychic. “Whenever you die, it will be an American holiday&#33;”

[baccyman]

Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss thought to himself - I&#39;m not hiring that lazy Cajun, so he decided to set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn&#39;t be able to answer the questions and he&#39;d be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

Boudreaux says, "Dat&#39;s easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.

The boss says, "What in the world is that?"

Boudreaux says, "Tree &#39;n tree &#39;n tree makes nine."

"Fair enough" says the boss. "Second questions, same rules, but represent 99."

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.

"Der ya go sir," he says.

The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

Boudreaux answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it&#39;s dirty tree &#39;n dirty tree &#39;n dirty tree - dat 99."

The boss is getting worried he&#39;s going to have to hire Boudreaux so he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this time represent the number 100."

Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it&#33;"

He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir - 100."

The boss looks at Boudreaux&#39;s attempt and thinks, "Ha&#33; got him this time." He then tells Boudreaux, "Go on, Boudreaux, you must be crazy if you think that represents a 100."

Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so now ya got dirty tree an&#39; a turd, dirty tree an&#39; a turd, and dirty tree an&#39; a turd, which makes 100. When do I start my job?"

[baccyman]

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they discover it to be overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able board the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking noise the stick makes as the blind man taps it on the sidewalk and says to him:

"Why don&#39;t you put a piece of rubber at the end your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy&#33; "

The blind man replies:

"If you would&#39;ve put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we&#39;d be riding the bus, so shut up&#33;

[baccyman]

see how many of these you get right
http://www.vissor.com/interactive/assets/buttface.swf

[baccyman]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgery. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird&#39;s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I&#39;m so sorry, Cuddles has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.

"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven&#39;t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck&#39;s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I&#39;m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.

The duck&#39;s owner, still in shock, took the bill. "&#036;150&#33;", she cried, "&#036;150 just to tell me my duck is dead?&#33;&#33;"

The vet shrugged. "I&#39;m sorry. If you&#39;d taken my word for it, the bill would have been only &#036;20, but what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan ...."

[baccyman]

some of these are funny . people in a chat room that did not know that they were talking to a bot
http://www.vixenlove.com/Vixen/vixen.php