A Bit Of A Laugh

[baccyman]

As a West Virginia trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers his window and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
Then the truck stops for another red light, the blonde catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up to the truck and knocks on the door.

Again the trucker lowers the window.

As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath the blonde gets out of her car runs up to the truck and knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers his window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window and as she lowers it, he says....

"Hi, My name is Kevin. It's winter in West Virginia and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK."

[Bowen747x]

[tesco]

Originally posted by baccy_man@25 February 2004 - 10:34
Abbot & Costello Updated to 21st Century
ABBOT: Super Duper Computer Store... Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer

ABBOT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?

ABBOT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?

ABBOT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOT: Yes

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, let's just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOT : The Word you get when you click the blue W

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue w if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOT: Yes, you want RealOne.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one , maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2,3&4. Can I watch them?

ABBOT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great, with what?

ABBOT: RealOne.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOT: You click the blue 1

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOT: The blue 1.

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOT: The blue 1 is RealOne and the blue W is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there's three words in office for windows!

ABBOT: No, just one. but it's the most popular Word in the world

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOT: RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.

COSTELLO: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping you have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled to my computer?

ABBOT: Money

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOT: One copy

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOT: Why not, they own it.

[j4y3m]

[baccyman]

A man who was born, reared, and educated in New York took a job in Mississippi after college. He liked Mississippi so much that he stayed, married, and had a family. When his widowed father retired, he invited him to move to a nice retirement community near him. His father, tired of the cold New York winters, decided to give it a try.
After a month of living in the retirement community, he and his son were having dinner together and the son asked, "Dad, how do you like living in the South after all those years in New York?"

"Well, son," he replied. "I like it a lot. The people are really friendly and everyone seems to have a nickname. For instance, Tom is called "The Mechanic" by everyone in spite of the fact that it has been over 20 years since he has worked on a car. Bill has not practiced medicine for at least 15 years, but everyone still calls him "Doc."

"So, Dad, do you have a nickname?"

"Yes, I do. Even though I have not had sex in the 10 years since your mother died, everyone refers to me as that "F**king Yankee."

[Bowen747x]

that one about abbot is costello awesome
the ending is madd funny

[baccyman]

glad that you liked it

[Bowen747x]

lol sry i did like it its just the other was was so much more funny

[j4y3m]

Originally posted by baccy_man@27 February 2004 - 17:16
A man who was born, reared, and educated in New York took a job in Mississippi after college. He liked Mississippi so much that he stayed, married, and had a family. When his widowed father retired, he invited him to move to a nice retirement community near him. His father, tired of the cold New York winters, decided to give it a try.
After a month of living in the retirement community, he and his son were having dinner together and the son asked, "Dad, how do you like living in the South after all those years in New York?"

"Well, son," he replied. "I like it a lot. The people are really friendly and everyone seems to have a nickname. For instance, Tom is called "The Mechanic" by everyone in spite of the fact that it has been over 20 years since he has worked on a car. Bill has not practiced medicine for at least 15 years, but everyone still calls him "Doc."

"So, Dad, do you have a nickname?"

"Yes, I do. Even though I have not had sex in the 10 years since your mother died, everyone refers to me as that "F**king Yankee."

Two lol smilies for that one...

[baccyman]

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says,
"Hi. . you know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and of course, he'll supply all of your clothes. And because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort her on her luxurious overseas trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're kidding me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."