A Bit Of A Laugh

[Wolfmight]

Couldnt read the jokes hardly because of the hot ass:

[Autumn Fox]

Originally posted by PauDoce+4 March 2004 - 14:18--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (PauDoce @ 4 March 2004 - 14:18)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-baccy_man@26 November 2003 - 17:30
A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma&#39;am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn&#39;t. He just walked in the door."

Great jokes, thanks a lot man, but this one was hard for me&#33;
I couldn&#39;t understand it&#33; [/b][/quote]
Simple, the guy that slid down was a lover of some sort and he wanted to clear off before the husband could see him.

[baccyman]

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. "After all, dear," she said, "you wouldn&#39;t expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?"
"No," her husband replied. "Nor would I expect to find a gift wrapping on a dead beaver."

[baccyman]

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife "sleepily" sat up and said, "Honey, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I&#39;ve got a splitting headache."

"Certainly, honey," he said. Feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the pharmacist, "I know you - aren&#39;t you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"

"Yeah, sure. So?" said the officer.

"Well, what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?"

[baccyman]

A business man was aboard the redeye when turbulence shook the plane, causing the flight attendant to spill hot coffee in his lap.
"I&#39;m so sorry, sir" she said "Are you all right?"

"Yes, I think so," he replied. "But tell me, was that regular or decaf?"

"Regular."

"Just my luck," he moaned. "Now it&#39;s going to be up all night."

[baccyman]

A young man joined the Army and signed up to be a paratrooper. After weeks of rigorous training the young recruit got to jump out of his first plane. The man watched people ahead of him go and when it was his turn to jump he got scared and sat back down.
The troop leader said to the young man, "IF YOU DON&#39;T JUMP OUT OF THIS PLANE I&#39;M GOING TO STICK MY COCK UP YOUR ASS&#33;"

A few weeks later the young man returned home and told his father what happened, and his father asked, "Did you jump, son?"

The boy said, "A little at first&#33;"

[baccyman]

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S&#39; cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"
"Nothin", said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives&#33;"

[baccyman]

Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please Lord," he implored, "let it be blood&#33;&#33;"

[baccyman]

A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff&#39;s office and said,
"You&#39;ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don&#39;t care, just do something about those drivers."

So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.

Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You&#39;ve got to do something about these drivers. The &#39;school crossing&#39; sign seems to make them go faster."

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own damned sign?"

The sheriff told him, "Hell, yes, put up your own sign."

He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop calling.

Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer.

Three weeks after the farmer&#39;s last call, the sheriff decided to call him.

"How&#39;s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, hell yes. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I&#39;ve got to go. I&#39;m very busy."

And he hung up the phone.

The sheriff though to himself, "I&#39;d better go to that farmer&#39;s house and look at that sign. There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers..."

So the sheriff drove out to the farmer&#39;s house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters were the words:

SLOW: NUDIST COLONY.

[baccyman]

A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I&#39;m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."

"That must be rather difficult." the man replied.

"Oh, I don&#39;t mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."