A Bit Of A Laugh

**baccyman** · 03-16-2004, 03:47 PM

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog.
The fireman says, "Hey little girl. What are you doing?"

The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"

The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says.

"Thanks mister," says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the wagon to the dog's "privates."

"Little girl," says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."

The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

**baccyman** · 03-16-2004, 03:53 PM

Three golfers, a son, a father and a grandfather were getting ready to tee off when a beautiful young woman asked if she could join them as a fourth. All of the men eagerly agreed. The young woman asked only that they agree not to try to coach or help her with her game.
The guys said, "no problem," and they started their round.

To the men's surprise, the woman played a wonderful round, and the men held to their promise not to interfere. On the last hole, she needed a birdie to score the best round of golf she had ever played. She needed to make about a 15 ft. side hill putt for a birdie.

After looking at the putt from every direction, she just couldn't decide what it would do. Finally she said, "I know I insisted on playing my own game, but if one of you guys can help me make this putt, I will give him the best night of sex you have ever had."

The son, claiming to have the best eyesight, told her he thought the ball would break about 8" to the right.

The father, claiming he had more experience on the greens said he thought it would break more like 12" to the right.

The grandfather looked at the beautiful girl, and grinning from ear to ear, walked over and picked up the girl's ball and handed it to her saying, "It's a gimmie!"

**baccyman** · 03-17-2004, 03:13 PM

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good, " said the teacher. "Now, Lucy?"

"Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks. And the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets, then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't mess with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking!"

**baccyman** · 03-17-2004, 03:17 PM

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a Ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."
The chief nodded that it was so.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night making love."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think He could improve system like that!"

**baccyman** · 03-18-2004, 12:55 PM

A man and woman meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go back to the woman's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

Watching him, the woman says, "You must be a dentist."

Surprised, the guy responds, "Yes... how did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replies, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing leads to another and they make love. Once they're done, the woman says, "You must be a really good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego, says, "Well yes, I am a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"