A Bit Of A Laugh

[Autumn Fox]

But there'd be no blow jobs ^_^

[baccyman]

no ear bashing either


Frank was madly in love with Susan, but couldn’t get up enough courage to pop the question face to face. Finally he deiced to ask her on the telephone. “Darling! He blurted out, “Will you marry me?”
“Of course, I will, you silly boy,” she replied, “Who’s speaking?”

[baccyman]

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said.
"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine."

[ashutosh_cool16]

Couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband
liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read.

One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and
decided to take a short nap. Although she wasn't familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the boat. She rowed out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book.

Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside her and said,
"Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading my book," she replied...as she thought to herself, "duh -- isn't
it obvious?"

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her. "But officer, I'm
not fishing. Can't you see that?"

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," snapped the irate
woman.

"But, I haven't even touched you," groused the sheriff.

"Yes, that's true, she replied, "but you do have all the equipment."

[ashutosh_cool16]

Excellent Poems

Excellent poems by not so famous poets... found on toilet doors and
walls..........these are the robert frosts or nizzim ezekiels of
today...to the manor born...


A budding poet trying his best...

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
Or shall I be forced to use my finger.

Before he graduated to be a poet, he wrote this...

Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted

Someone who had a different experience wrote,

You're lucky
You had your chance
I tried to fart,
And shat my pants!

Perhaps it's true that people find inspiration in
toilets.

I came here
To shit and stink,
But all I do
Is sit and think.

Toilets walls also double as job advertisement
space.......

(written high upon the wall)
If you can piss above this line, the Singapore Fire
Department wants you.

Ministry of Environment advertisement.

We aim to please!
You aim too! Please!

Seen above a urinal:

Please do not throw cigarette butts in our urinal.
We don't piss in your ashtrays!

On the inside of a toilet door:

Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the
entire performance.

A sign at a swimming pool bathroom:

We don't swim in your toilet, so please don't pee in
our pool.

Another sign seen at a swimming pool:

Welcome to our ool.
Notice there's no P in it.
Please keep it that way.

And finally, this should teach some a lesson...
Sign seen at a restaurant:

The hands that clean these toilets also make your
food...please aim properly.

[ashutosh_cool16]

One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious
back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your
back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This
morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On
entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open.
I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from
the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed
the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor
said "My previous patient was looked bad, but you look terrible.What the
hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the
first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I
was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you
won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do.
The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to
youuuuuu.....?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"

[ashutosh_cool16]

My Dog Named Sex
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call
mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the
City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a
license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But
she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You
don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He
replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get
married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding.
He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has
played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He
said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us
in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding.
The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was
barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we
checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my
wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a
place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at
night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the
dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I
told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should
have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have
Sex on TV." He called me a show off.


When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the
dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me
after I was married." The Judge said, "Same here!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop
came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the
morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles
with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for
my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the
trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it
has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the
doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's
best friend so go get yourself a dog."

[scribblec]

funny.com??

[Autumn Fox]

Originally posted by ashutosh_cool16@26 March 2004 - 15:38
My Dog Named Sex
(...)

I love this joke

[baccyman]

Originally posted by Autumn Fox+27 March 2004 - 01:12--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Autumn Fox @ 27 March 2004 - 01:12)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-ashutosh_cool16@26 March 2004 - 15:38
My Dog Named Sex
(...)

I love this joke



[/b][/quote]
i think i posted that a while back
____________________________________________________________________
Subject: Getting your tooth pulled



There was this guy who went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled.
First off the dentist said, "I&#39;ll give you a shot to numb your jaw."
But the guy said, "No, please don&#39;t do that, I&#39;m afraid of needles."
The dentist said, "OK, I&#39;ll get out the gas to put you to sleep."
However the guy said, "Nope, I&#39;m allergic to the gas."
So the dentist said, "Just a minute, I&#39;ll go look for something else."
After awhile he came back with a couple of blue pills.
The guy asked, "What kind of pills are those?"
The dentist said, "Viagra." The guy said, "WHAT&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33; Why these?"
The dentist said, "They won&#39;t help with the pain, but they&#39;ll give you
something to hang on to while I pull out your damn tooth.