A Bit Of A Laugh

[baccyman]

my parents would have disowned me if i dressed like a woman .
god knows what the wife would say.
_________________________________________________________

A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son.
Every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing down.

This goes on for a while when his wife sticks her head out of the front door and yells, "You need more tail."

The father turns to his son and says, "Son, I'll never understand your mother. I told her yesterday I needed more tail and she told me to 'go fly a kite'."

[baccyman]

Saint Peter was at the Pearly Gates when three people arrived. The first one comes up to the entrance and St. Peter asks, "What did you die of?"
The man replies, "I died of the big 'C'."

St. Peter says, "The big 'C'? What's that?"

The man replies, "Cancer. It ate me up alive."

St. Peter says, "You poor soul. Go right on in." The next man walks up to Saint Peter, and Saint Peter asks, "What did you die of?"

The man replies, "I died of the big 'H'."

Saint Peter asks, "The big 'H'? What's the big 'H'?"

The man says, "Heart attack. I was playing with my kids when my heart gave out, and here I am." Saint Peter says, "You poor soul. Go right on in." The third person, a lady, walks up to Saint Peter. She is dressed like a street walker.

Saint Peter asks, "What did you die of?"

The girl replies, "I died of the big 'G'."

Saint Peter says, "The big 'G'? I've never heard of the big 'G'."

She says, "That's the big 'G' for Gonorrhea."

Saint Peter replies, "Gonorrhea? No one dies of gonorrhea..."

The girl replies, "You do if you give it to Leroy."



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Dear Diary
MONDAY:
What a wonderful cruise this is going to be! I felt singularly honored this evening. The Captain asked me to dine at his table...

TUESDAY:
I spent the entire afternoon on the bridge with the Captain.

WEDNESDAY:
The Captain made proposals to me unbecoming an officer and a gentleman.

THURSDAY:
Tonight the Captain threatened to sink the ship if I do not give in to his indecent proposals!

FRIDAY:
This afternoon I saved 1600 lives ---twice...

[Autumn Fox]

(...) twice

[baccyman]

could be called greedy lol

[baccyman]

A cunning executive was having an affair with his young secretary. Every Friday the two would leave work a few hours early and have sex at the secretary's house. When the executive returned home, he would tell his wife he had gone to a bar with his friends. One night, the executive accidentally fell asleep at his secretary's house. When he woke up, he rushed to get dressed and told his secretary to rub his shoes in the grass. Eager to help, the confused secretary took his shoes outside, rubbed them in the grass, and handed them off. By the time he arrived home, the executive's wife was waiting for him. She immediately asked him where he had been. ?I am not going to lie to you," he said, "I am having an affair." His wife angrily looked him up and down and said, "Bullshit, you've been playing golf."

[maskawaih]

A cunning executive was having an affair with his young secretary. Every Friday the two would leave work a few hours early and have sex at the secretary's house. When the executive returned home, he would tell his wife he had gone to a bar with his friends. One night, the executive accidentally fell asleep at his secretary's house. When he woke up, he rushed to get dressed and told his secretary to rub his shoes in the grass. Eager to help, the confused secretary took his shoes outside, rubbed them in the grass, and handed them off. By the time he arrived home, the executive's wife was waiting for him. She immediately asked him where he had been. ?I am not going to lie to you," he said, "I am having an affair." His wife angrily looked him up and down and said, "Bullshit, you've been playing golf."

ROFLMAO

[baccyman]

One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the ? ? ?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She shot back: "It's not talcum powder.

It's 'Miracle Grow'.



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What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a Tennessee redneck?
The good ol' boy raises livestock.
The redneck gets emotionally involved.



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How do you know when your staying in a Alabama hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink"

and the person at the front desk says "go ahead."

[maskawaih]

One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer. "What the ? ? ?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.
"April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She shot back: "It's not talcum powder.

It's 'Miracle Grow'.

[100%]

Baccy why dont you post in other parts of the forum?
you could simply post these items in the lounge and youd get more dialogue...

i would read more of your posts if i saw you elsewhere on the forum

[cpt_azad]

A cunning executive was having an affair with his young secretary. Every Friday the two would leave work a few hours early and have sex at the secretary's house. When the executive returned home, he would tell his wife he had gone to a bar with his friends. One night, the executive accidentally fell asleep at his secretary's house. When he woke up, he rushed to get dressed and told his secretary to rub his shoes in the grass. Eager to help, the confused secretary took his shoes outside, rubbed them in the grass, and handed them off. By the time he arrived home, the executive's wife was waiting for him. She immediately asked him where he had been. ?I am not going to lie to you," he said, "I am having an affair." His wife angrily looked him up and down and said, "Bullshit, you've been playing golf."

ROFLMFAO oh man, that's the best one i've heard yet out of this entire thread