I made my step-dad a promise that he would never go back to a nursing facility again. I kept that promise. It was an awful 20 months that caused severe stress and tension on my family and myself. Instead of appreciating that he had a kind family willing to take care of him, we got a mix of bitterness, manipulation, drug addiction and withdrawal, subversion, and that doesn't even begin to include the physical work it takes to care for someone with advanced Parkinson's disease.
My lack of presence and humor we among many costs of the past (almost) two years.
His sister requested that I send her half of his ashes so that she could spread them in his hometown. I struggled with how I would eventually deal with the awful ways he treated my mother during her last few years and his desire to be scattered with her. I have decided that the half in my possession are all of the good things he used to be: a provider for my mother for over 30 years, a hard worker, a generous and caring man, and the man who got me out of a bad childhood twice when he had no obligation to do so at all.
The good parts of him will rest at Lake Crescent on the Washington coast with my mother. Chances are good our Postal Service will lose/scatter the rest of him on the way to Oregon.
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