Dogs

[chalice]

I have been contemplating acquiring a canine. A small one.

It would be one of those ones you snatch from the jaws of death, and feel all good about yourself, and fool the world into believing that I'm a decent person.

I don't want a stupid, yappy, furniture chewing little bastard pup which sheds hair and shites on the carpet. I want one with gratitude in its droopy eyes, which will love me for just being me, without the cuntyness and verbal viscera.

Trouble is, I'm afraid that I won't be able to walk the fucker due to my myriad maladies. Then I will feel like an actual true cunt. Not a pretend one, like my online persona, and the guilt might fuck me up.

Suggestions and advice now, please. Or I'll kill all your cats and lizards and other stupid animals you think are your pets.

[megabyteme]

Do you have a yard to send future death-row pardoned k9 out to run around? Throw a ball for the hairy fucker. Kibble. Water. And occasional reminder that he owes you his life. That's pretty much all there is to them.

My caution would be in getting invested emotionally in a pooch with an undetermined bloodline. Vet bills are fucking EXPENSIVE, especially for older pets. I find starting with a breed that's suited for your lifestyle and environment is the first step. The second is to get one that's from an ethical breeder who tests for genetic ailments and breeds for health.

Corgis are awesome. Hairy fuckers, but smart, loving, and small enough to kick if they cause trouble. Just show it that you are more stubborn than he/she is and you're off to a good start.

[megabyteme]

That's the Pembroke variety. We currently have a Cardigan and I'm less fond of it.

[chalice]

Corgis are out, I'm afraid. They were the favourite breed of Queen Elizabeth II, and there's a decent chance I might end up sleepwalking and kicking the poor thing to death. For the Republic.

[megabyteme]

Whatever breed you do get, make sure that particular dog is smart. We have two dogs. The one that's not the Cardigan is some Scandinavian thing. Dumb as can be. I can't get rid of it and I can barely stand to go downstairs where it lives. In fairness, I don't despise it like I once did, but that's mostly due to not interacting with it.

[chalice]

Duly noted. Smart dog it is.

I've got a spacious enough back garden. But it'll mostly be a housey dog, so I can look at it when I'm bored.

Maybe a particularly small Border Collie or something similar.

[IdolEyes787]

Boston Terrier for indoor, Border Collie for outdoor.

[chalice]

Boston Terrier for indoor, Border Collie for outdoor.

I've just been offered a schnauzer pup. Cute as fuck, like, but I don't know if I can handle all the baby dog demolition job.

Are they smart or what?

[j2k4]

Golden Retriever.

[chalice]

Far too big for little old me, Kev.