Another Joke

[baccyman]

Wendy
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This guy wanted to do something special for his girlfriend Wendy, so he went out and got her name tattooed on his penis. It said Wendy when erect, and Wny when limp. Well, Wendy was thrilled, so thrilled she felt she had to do something special for him too. So she booked tickets for a trip to a nudist resort in Jamaica.

When they arrived, they went to the nude beach and the boyfriend went to order some drinks. While he was being served he realized the bartender had WNY on his penis too! So of course he said, " Wow! i guess your girlfriend is called Wendy too!"

The bartender replied, "No, my penis says 'WELCOME TO JAMAICA MAN, ENJOY YOUR STAY'"

[baccyman]

Stand In Priest
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One day as confessions were on in church the priest comes out of the confession box and asks the young man sweeping the floor to act as a priest for a minutes as he really needs to relieve himself. The priest tells him there is a chart of penance on the wall inside, so the young man agrees.

The first person enters to confess and says "Forgive me father for I have sinned. I stole some food from the supermarket." "You will be forgiven",replies the young man. He looks at the chart and says "10 Hail Mary's for your sins."

The second person enters to confess and says "Forgive me father. I lied to my mother yesterday" The young man looks for lying on the chart and says "You will be forgiven. Say 20 Hail Mary's for your sins."

The third person then enters and says "Forgive me father for I have sinned. The postman called in last week and I gave him a blowjob." The young man looks at the chart but doesn't see blowjob on it. He opens the door and calls over one of the alter boys. "What does the priest give for blowjobs?" he asks. The young boy replies "A can of coke and a mars bar"

[baccyman]

Fart Match
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An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man lets out a loud fart and says "one-nil."

His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"

The old man says, "A goal. I'm ahead one-nil."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Goal! One all." The old boy farts again. "Goal! I'm ahead 2-1."

Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says, "Goal! 2 all."

The old man tries to fart again, but cannot. Trying desperately not be out done by his wife, he gives it everything he has to get out just one more fart. He strains a little too hard and shits in the bed. The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"

The old man replies, "Half-time, switch sides!"

[baccyman]

The Story of My Life ...

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatens suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

[baccyman]

Three businessmen were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were: The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough to Keep it in." The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!" The third, a blonde male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every
branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles. "My wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bags and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. "She doesn't even have a penis!"

[baccyman]

A woman walks into a bar and orders a drink. A few minutes later, a man walks in and sits down beside her. He notices that she's a little depressed and asks her what's wrong.

"My boyfriend dumped me because he thought I was too kinky."

"Wow! What a coincidence! My girlfriend dumped me because she thought I was too kinky," he replies.

So they start talking, and find that they have a lot in common. After a few more drinks, they start feeling a little frisky and he decides to go home with her. Once they walk into her house, she excuses herself to go ''slip into something a little more comfortable." She dresses up in her leather mask, rubber bra with the nipples cut out, thigh high leather boots, everything. She grabs her whip and walks back into the living room and sees him putting his coat back on, getting ready to leave.

"Hey, where are you going? I thought we were going to get kinky!"

The man looks at her all confused and says, "I all ready fucked your dog and shat in your purse -- what more do you want?"

[baccyman]

At a White House press conference today, Tipper Gore announced that she is going onto the Presidential Campaign Trail with her husband, Vice President Al Gore.

"To prepare myself," she said, "I have shaved off all my pubic hair. From now until the election, I shall sit on the stage with the Vice President, and will have my legs apart without wearing any panties."

"What is the message?" gasped astonished reporters at the news of this rather startling announcement.

"Read my lips: No more Bush."

[baccyman]

A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note to the man. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, $1 million in liquid assets, and 7 inches in your pants."

Well, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: "Just so you know -- I happen to have TWO Mercedes in my garage, I have well over $2 million in assets, but not even for YOU, would I cut off 2 inches! Send the bottle back."

[baccyman]

Every year at the state fair Paul entered the lottery for the brand new truck and lost. This year, he told his friend David, he wasn't going to bother and enter.
"What kind of attitude is that?" David asked. He leaned closer and whispered, "What you need, pal, is faith. Look around and see if the good Lord sends you a message."

Strolling around the fair, Paul grew more and more despondent as the drawing neared. Nothing struck him, no divine inspiration, no sign from God.

Finally, while he was passing old Mrs. Kelleher's pie stand, he glanced over and saw the woman bending down. She wasn't wearing any panties, and suddenly her ass began to glow. Suddenly a finger of flame came from the skies and without her even knowing it, used her ass as a table. The fiery finger etched a seven on each cheek.

Thanking God, Paul rushed to the raffle booth and played the number 77.

A few minutes later, the drawing was held. And once again, Paul lost. The winning number was 707.

[baccyman]

There was this little boy with no arms. He wanted to ring the church bell on Sundays so he went to talk to the preacher. The preacher didn't know how he was going to do it, but he figured he would give him a shot. When they got to the top tower, the kid runs face first into the bell, no sound.
After a few moments, the kid gets up and begs the preacher for another try. The preacher tells him to do it, so the kid runs his head into the bell again, then falls out like the time before.

When he gets up he again asks the preacher for another try. The preacher just nodes his head so the kid again runs his head into the bell and falls out again.

By this time the bell was swinging away. When the kid stood up, the bell hit him in the face and knocked him out the window. He fell to the ground and died. When the police came, they asked the preacher if he knew the kids name. The preacher said," No. But his face sure rings a bell."