The Aol Car

**zak** · 03-09-2003, 06:40 AM

1. The AOL car would have a top speed of 40 mph yet have

a 200 mph speedometer.

2. The AOL car would come equipped with a new and

fantastic 8-track tape player.

3. The car would often refuse to start and owners

would just expect this and try again later.

4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to

protect the driver from seeing better cars.

5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year

and claim it\'s the new model.

6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would

just \"lock-up\" for no apparent reason.

7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but

would have lots of pretty colors and lights.

8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have

5 extra seats for family members.

9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue

to make payments for 6 months.

10. If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would

take the car away from them.

11. The AOL car would have an AOL cell phone that can only

place calls to other AOL car cell phones.

12. AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners

from driving near other car dealerships.

13. AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.

14. Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples

AOL cars stall just for fun.

15. It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.

16. AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more

and gave worse mileage.

17. Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would

wonder, m/f/age?

18. It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry

another AOL car owner.

19. AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than

they really are.

20. AOL cars would come with a steering wheel, and AOL would claim

no other cars have them.

21. Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say \"good-
bye.\"

22. The AOL car owner would only see other cars on the street if

they are on their AOL car buddy list.

23. The AOL car owner could block themselves out from other AOL car
drivers,

making it impossible to see where the other cars are going.

24. If an AOL car is stolen, AOL would do nothing to get it back.

B) For all you who are currently driving the AOL, it time to find a new car

**1-800-NOCOPYS** · 03-09-2003, 06:53 AM

And if microsoft made cars?

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, and you'd have to restart it. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Amiga would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower.

7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light.

8. People would get excited about the "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for many years.

9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and all auto fluids but the packaging would be superb.

10. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

11. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

12. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

13. They wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The latest engine would have 16 cylinders, multi-point fuel injection and 4 turbos, but it would be a side-valve design so you could use Model-T Ford parts on it.

14. There would be an "Engium Pro" with bigger turbos, but it would be slower on most existing roads.

15. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM, and play Microsoft Cassettes. Unless of course, you buy the upgrade to use existing stuff.

16. Microsoft would do so well, because even though they don't own any roads, all of the road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars free, including IBM!

17. If you still ran old versions of car (ie. CarDOS 6.22/CarWIN 3.11), then you would be called old fashioned, but you would be able to drive much faster, and on more roads!

18. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, then you could just borrow your friends, and then copy it.

19. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganise the ignition for a few days before it worked.

20. You would need to buy an upgrade to run cars on a motorway next to each other.