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Thread: Baked Beanz

  1. #1
    Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reactio n on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on lke this" so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he 'phoned his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans. All the way home he farted. By the tim e he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair at the head o f the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on. Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer t he phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and rriiipppp! It sounded like a diesel engine revving and smelled worse. To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner; the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While ke eping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next 10 minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells (indicating th e end of his lonliness and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologising for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the din ner table. After assuring her he ahd not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled "SURPRISE!" To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2003

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    It looked so funny although i didn't read it
    hello i am going HOME.......

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    That was funny what of the film the eho made years back chic takes bath in beans!

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    Aaron_T's Avatar A duck is watching.
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Newcastle Upon Tyne
    i really couldnt be arsed to read that
    Those who dont learn from the past are doomed to repeat It.

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    tesco's Avatar woowoo
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Originally posted by aoyv73@7 April 2004 - 02:28
    That was funny what of the film the eho made years back chic takes bath in beans!
    wtf did u just say?

  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    Blade025's Avatar Poster
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    that was pretty funny....i heard one similar to it on "Freaky Stories"...where a girl went into a car and let one rip, not knowing there were people in the backseat..

    GO LEAFS GO!!!!!

  8. Funny S**t   -   #8
    100%'s Avatar ╚════╩═╬════╝
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Thats one of my favorites

    Hint: have you heard of "paragraphs"
    designed for easier reading

  9. Funny S**t   -   #9
    i thout there were gonna be beans

    Klite Clan : <span style='color:purple'> [ThE_Def-EndERS]</span>
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