Thee Amazing Bible Stories

[masterpiece21]

How The Cherry Pops(ed-these were written awhile back but just decided to post it for laughs)

The female cherry.a elegant sign of showing ur still a virgin.never been poked.many gurls say"i wanna wait till the times right' but others say"wrong hole"u kno waht i mean.Just recently,long time virgin britney spears admitted to justin timberlake poppin her cherry.it was hard,but she told the world.now,religion.a touchy sub.many go so far with religion that they blow themselfs up yelling "allah!!!!"in the name of god.that act of luv towards god is frowned upon here in america.i personally enjoy watching it.like a sport to me.anywayz,the bible said jesus was a miracle.right.and im a miracle to everyone to ever meet me.and he popped out of mary.his mother.now they say she was a virgin mary.we call her virgin mary.so shes a virgin..........but had jesus?tricky tricky tricky there.i think its all utter BS!i kno for a fact while god was snoozein and joseph was jackin off lookin at mary sleepin,he thought"if i bang her in the middle of the night,no one will ever kno....."so he banged her in the middle of the night.good thing she sleeps like a rock!so yea she knos it and i want her to cum clean!if britney spears can,she can!and i kno that if she was a virgin and gave birth to jesus,wouldnt her cherry be in the way?????htf would jesus get out?cum on mary who are u tryin to fool????not me!look all im sayin is is i want the bible to cum clean!and im not even gonna start on the moses and 10 commandments...........

ok fuck it im goin on to the 10 commandments

U kno what they are.uve heard them many times.if ur jewish youve wanted to rite ur own satanic 10 comandments.theyre the ten commandments.10 rules that ur supposed to live by that suck more dick than a teen at a r.kelly concert.i mean seriously who wants to follow crap made up by sum old dude who needed to shave named moses?ok first right off the bat...........
they were made by god.allah.the man upstairs.are creator.father.or as i see him,the guy wearing all white in a black robe packin a doobie and 40.....he created 10 rules;golden rules,for us dumbass humans to live by.fuck it.im not controlled by a man in the sky!and screw rules i got enough rules in bed.now u noticed he gave them to an old fart named moses.this dude was perfect.i envy the bastard.may he rot in hell and be fucked by a mad goat every sunday in a catholic church.......bad childhood memories.....anywayz,he got them on 2 giant stone tablets.ok stone?????that must of been a bitch to carry down a giant mountain where there was no one around to witness this holy load crap happening.has god ever heard of paper?and why 10 comandments???too many!i swear all we need is 2!
1.dont fuck ur neighbors wife.
2.dont kill anyone........unless the bastard really deserves it.
and u expect me to believe that he will bring fire and brimstone and anguish to me if i dont follow them?im waiting....hell one of the comandments is no jackin off.....if thats still intact.........im rotting in hell for life with every other man on earth.nuff said.and dont u think jesus jacked off too?hell,hes a guy right?he must of waxed his carrot a few times a hour!now i wonder if he ever waxed it to carmen electra?????hmmmmmm.............................Done.

Ok first off not trying2offend any1 here!Just a few lil things i wrote that are HARMLESS!Enjoy

[Cheese]

I eagerly await the English version of this post. Does anyone have a translator?

[brotherdoobie]

And illiterate.

Peace brotherdoobie

[Lamsey]

[JONNO_CELEBS]

When Jesus walked on water he was just surfing B) (hence the long bloned hair and stoned halucinations)

When Moses parted the red sea it was just low tide

And whats this about feeding 500 with a loaf and a couiple of fish, were these people liliputions?

Purple yellow monkey

Jonno B)

[J'Pol]

Originally posted by JONNO_CELEBS@9 May 2004 - 14:37
When Jesus walked on water he was just surfing B) (hence the long bloned hair and stoned halucinations)

When Moses parted the red sea it was just low tide

And whats this about feeding 500 with a loaf and a couiple of fish, were these people liliputions?

Purple yellow monkey

Jonno B)

How could I have been so foolish.

The resurrection was a long lie (please somebody tell me they get the double meaning)

[chalice]

Originally posted by J&#39;Pol+9 May 2004 - 13:54--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (J&#39;Pol @ 9 May 2004 - 13:54)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-JONNO_CELEBS@9 May 2004 - 14:37
When Jesus walked on water he was just surfing B)&nbsp; (hence the long bloned hair and stoned halucinations)

When Moses parted the red sea it was just low tide

And whats this about feeding 500 with a loaf and a couiple of fish, were these people liliputions?

Purple yellow monkey

Jonno B)

How could I have been so foolish.

The resurrection was a long lie (please somebody tell me they get the double meaning) [/b][/quote]
Met oui.

[JONNO_CELEBS]

Originally posted by J&#39;Pol@9 May 2004 - 13:54

How could I have been so foolish.

The resurrection was a long lie (please somebody tell me they get the double meaning)

Yup, you never seen David Copperfield do that trick?

Anyway they found a missing page from the bible, they think it comes from the beggining

It reads.....

To my darling Candy
All Charactors portrade within this book are fictitious
Any similarities to persons living or dead is purly coincidental



And God is Black

Jonno B)

[Lamsey]

Originally posted by JONNO_CELEBS@9 May 2004 - 14:16
And God is Black

Alanis Morissette&#39;s not black *
















*This comment will not be amusing to you unless you have seen the film Dogma. Even then it probably won&#39;t be.

[Cheese]

Originally posted by Lamsey+9 May 2004 - 18:34--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Lamsey &#064; 9 May 2004 - 18:34)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-JONNO_CELEBS@9 May 2004 - 14:16
And God is Black

Alanis Morissette&#39;s not black *
















*This comment will not be amusing to you unless you have seen the film Dogma. Even then it probably won&#39;t be. [/b][/quote]

I think you&#39;ll find he is black as evidenced in Bruce Almighty:

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