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Thread: "25 Worst Pickup Lines"

  1. #1
    Sorry about the 4 posts, but It's not them an you'll see


    1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!

    2. Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go screw.

    3. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.

    4. Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.

    5. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

    6. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

    7. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

    8. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and going....

    9. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

    10. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away.

    11. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.

    12. I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like to "tinker" around with.

    13. You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the Bomb -diggity.

    14. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.

    15. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.

    16. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?

    17. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

    18. Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all night long.

    19. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

    20. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

    21. If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.

    22. Guy: "Would you like to dance?"
    Girl: "I don't care for this song and surely wouldn't dance with you."
    Guy: "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants"

    23. Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost mine.

    24. I look good on you.

    25. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

    On the differences between men and women...
    p/s This is long but REALLY worth reading

    Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

    And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

    And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

    And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

    And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward ... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

    And Roger is thinking: ... so that means it was... let's see.... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means ... lemme check the odometer ... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

    And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed --even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

    And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a darn garbage truck, and I paid those
    incompetent thieves $600.

    And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

    And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

    And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

    And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a darn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their ....

    "Roger," Elaine says aloud.

    "What?" says Roger, startled.

    "Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have ... Oh my, I feel so ..."

    (She breaks down, sobbing.)

    "What?" says Roger.

    "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

    "There's no horse?" says Roger.

    "You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

    "No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

    "It's just that ... It's that I ... I need some time," Elaine says.

    (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

    "Yes," he says.

    (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

    "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

    "What way?" says Roger.

    "That way about time," says Elaine.

    "Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

    (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

    "Thank you, Roger," she says.

    "Thank you," says Roger.

    Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the
    far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

    The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning,
    considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

    Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

    "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    well fuck me if im wrong, but is your name helga?

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    well fuck me if im wrong, but is your name helga? 

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    By the way, that last part about Norm and Elaine is a quote from a book by Dave Barry(Guide to Guys). Just making sure he gets the credit. It's a great book by the way.

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    it's a nice and funny post.....

    but it takes too long to read it

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    you rock dude!


  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    Rat Faced's Avatar Broken
    Join Date
    Aug 2002

    An It Harm None, Do What You Will


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