Well I Guess Bot Decided

[Celerystalksme]

A man went into a coffee shop and found Bush, Rumsfeld, and Powell sitting at a table drinking coffee and having a heated discussion.

He, of course, approached the table and asked what they were doing there.

"Well" said Bush, "we're planning the invasion of Iraq. We're going to kill Saddam, 5 million Iraqis, and one bicycle repairman."

"Why would you kill a bicycle repairman?" asked the fellow.

"See!" said Rumsfeld as he punched Powell in the arm. "I told you no one would give a shit about the 5 million Iraqis!"

[Celerystalksme]

A man went into a coffee shop and found Bush, Rumsfeld, and Powell sitting at a table drinking coffee and having a heated discussion.

He, of course, approached the table and asked what they were doing there.

"Well" said Bush, "we're planning the invasion of Iraq. We're going to kill Saddam, 5 million Iraqis, and one bicycle repairman."

"Why would you kill a bicycle repairman?" asked the fellow.

"See!" said Rumsfeld as he punched Powell in the arm. "I told you no one would give a shit about the 5 million Iraqis!"

[Celerystalksme]

A man went into confession and told the priest "forgive me father, for I have sinned. Yesterday I was out golfing and I cursed." The priest told the man to tell his story. So he started, "well, I was on the 7th tee when I hit the perfect shot. Long, straight, middle of the fairway, you couldn't ask for a better shot. I went up to my ball and I wasn't even 30 feet from it when a squirrel runs by, takes my ball, and then proceeds into the woods."

The priest cut him off and said "and that is when you cursed."

"No, no, that's not it" the guy told the priest. "Just when the squirrel reaches the rough a hawk flys by and snatches up the squirrel, still holding the ball, and starts flying off."

Once again the priest cut him off and asked "Is that when you cursed?"

"No, that wasn't it either, father." The guy told him. "As the hawk was flying, it dropped the squirrel and the ball over the green and the ball ended up about four feet from the pin."

Once more the priest cut him off and said, "Don't tell me you missed the fucking putt."

[Celerystalksme]

A new lumberjack got to camp and met with all his new workmates. For the first two weeks he worked like a dog. Finally he asked one of the guys what he does for "relief." The man told him to go to the barrell at the bottom of the hill behind the cabin and put his dick in the hole.

The new guy came running back to his friend the next day; "Hey! I put my dick in the barrell just like you said and it was fantastic!!! I'm gonna do that everyday!" The man laughed and said "Everyday but Tuesday...that's your day in the barrell."

[Celerystalksme]

A bird left late to fly south for the winter and got caught up in an ice storm. The bird quickly froze and fell to the ground and landed in the middle of a field. Near death, a cow passing by noticed the frozen bird. The cow walked over the to bird, straddled it and took a massive dump on the bird.

The bird immediately thought “Oh Lord….I’m about to die and now I’ve been crapped on! How much worse can it get! But the crap started to thaw the bird out. And soon the bird was not only unfrozen, but warm. He was saved! The bird was so happy he started to sing.

But a cat nearby heard the bird singing. He ran towards the bird, dug him up and ate him. There are three morals to the story:

1) Not everyone who craps on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.
3) If you're warm and happy keep your mouth shut.

[Celerystalksme]

Studies have shown that 95% of all women have smart DNA in them but 84% spit it back out.

[Celerystalksme]

God decided one day he needed a vacation, but He can't decide where to go. He goes to St. Peter and asks for advice. St. Peter says "What about Mars?" "Nah," says God, "I was there about 25,000 years ago and it was so hot that I got the worst sunburn ever."

St. Peter thinks for a bit and then says, "What about Pluto?" God says, "No, last time I was there I spent way too much money at the blackjack tables there." St. Peter thinks again and says, "Well, what about Earth?" God looks at him and says, "Are you kidding me? I went there about 2,000 years ago, knocked up some Jewish chick, and I haven't heard the end of it since".

[Celerystalksme]

Why did the blonde fuck a mexican? Because her teacher told her to do an essay.

[Celerystalksme]

Real Men of Genius--- Today I salute you Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having fun, you are at home reading about it on your computer screen.. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List. You have people on that list you haven't talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages everyday to see what they are up to. So, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Marauder of the Mousepad and don't wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone's away message may change.

[Celerystalksme]

One day the teacher walked into the class and looked on the board and saw the word penis written in tiny little letters. She turned and looked for guilty faces in the class but found none. She then erased it off the board and continued with the days lesson.

The next day she walk into the class and the word penis was written in larger letters, she then turn in vain at the class to find the culprit but found no one, so again she erased the board and continued her class. For at least week she found the word on the board each day getting larger then the previous day's word.

Finally one day she walked into the class expecting to be greeted by the same word but found it saying "THE MORE YOU RUB IT, THE BIGGER IT GETS"