Well I Guess Bot Decided

[Celerystalksme]

A family of five is sitting down to have a nice dinner together, a man and his wife and their two daughters and son. Dinner was going nice and as planned when the oldest daughter asked her dad “Daddy, Why did you name me Rose?”

“Well sweetie, when you were born me and mommy brought you home and as we walked in a rose petal fell from the mantle and landed on your forehead.”

This sparked the attention of the other kids so the second daughter asks” Then Daddy, Why did you name me Robin?”

The father replies, “Well Robin, when you were lying in your crib as a baby a little robin flew in through your window and landed and sang to you.”

Finally the son chimed in “Dahhhh buh fer ha blah foo pbtpbt”
Dad shouted out “Shut up cinder block!”

[Celerystalksme]

A penguin is driving through California, when his car begins to sputter. He pulls in to the next town, and takes it to the garage.

The mechanic says to him "If you leave your car here an hour, I should have figured out what's up with it." The penguin leaves.

Wandering around the town, he finds an ice cream parlour, and California, being far removed from the snowier climes of the Artic, is beginning to make him feel a little unwell.

He goes in, and orders a nice big ice cream. However, not having hands, he can't use the spoon, so is forced to scoop his ice cream into his beak using his flippers. Unfortunately, he makes a big old mess, and is soon covered in ice cream. Despite his best efforts, he can't clean himself up. He thanks the lady, and leaves.

Back at the garage, he asks the mechanic. "So what's wrong with the car?"

"Well, son" he replies "it looks like you've blown a seal."

Looking at himself in distress, the penguin says "No, no, it's only ice cream!"

[Celerystalksme]

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a whore with diarrhea?

The epileptic shucks between fits.

[Celerystalksme]

How can you tell if a midget is on her period?

She keeps tripping on the string!

[Celerystalksme]

After a Beer festival, the Brewery Presidents went out together to get a beer. The guy from corona says "Get me the best beer in the world, a corona." The guy from Budweiser says, "Get me the best beer in the world, the king of all beer, a budweiser." The guy from Coors says, "Get me the best beer in world, made with mountain spring water from the Rockies, get me a coors." The guy from LaBatt Blue says "Get me the best beer in the world, ay, a LaBatt Blue don'cha know." The guy from Guiness then says, "Get me a coke." Taken aback the members from the brewery club asked "Why aren't you getting a guinness?"

The Guinness president replied, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

[Celerystalksme]

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bullsh---ting me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

[Celerystalksme]

A young man walks into a whore house, with a dead frog being dragged by a legs. He walks up to a woman behind the desk, and tells her, 'Give me the dirtiest, skankiest, most disease ridden whore you have here.'

The woman give the man a strange look, but agrees to his request. She leads him to a room. He waits there until the prostitute comes in, and then he fucks her without a condom. He then leaves the room and walks to the entrance where the woman from the desk stops him.

'Excuse me, but just out of curiosity, why did you want to fuck the most STD ridden girl we have here?'

He looks at her with a cold look and replies, "When I get home, I'm gonna fuck the babysitter, and when my dad gets home, he's gonna fuck her too. Then when my mom gets home, he's gonna fuck her and then tommorrow, she will fuck the mailman and he's the dirty bastard that killed my frog!'

[Celerystalksme]

Did you hear about the guy in the kitchen killing flys, some guy was killing flys in his kitchen when his wife walked in and said what are ya doing. "Killing flys he replied." "Did you get any?" she asked.

"Yah, Three females and two males."

"How can u tell if they're male or female she asked."

He replied, "Two were on the beer can and three were on the phone."

[Celerystalksme]

A young soldier was sent to serve in the desert. When he arrived his commanding officer welcomed him and then showed him around camp. He showed him where he would sleep, where he would eat, and where he would shower. The young soldier noticed a camel tied up outside of a tent. He asks "What is the camel for?" The officer replies "Oh, that is for when the men get lonely and need to bust a nut."

So a few weeks go by and the soldier hasn't busted a nut since he got there. He decided it was time. He made his way over to where the camel was tied up. He dropped his pants and banged the shit out of the camel.

The commanding officer walks by as the soldier is finishing up and says "That's one way to do it, but why didn't you just ride her into town and get a prostitute like the rest of the men?"

[Celerystalksme]

Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry when he makes love?

A: Mace.