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Thread: The Way Things Are...

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
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    Dec 2003
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    In a State Of Confusion
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    OFFICE ARITHMETIC
    >
    >Smart boss + smart employee = profit
    >
    >Smart boss + dumb employee = production
    >
    >Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
    >
    >Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
    >
    >
    >SHOPPING MATH
    >
    >A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    >
    >A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
    >
    >
    >
    >GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
    >
    >A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    >
    >A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
    >
    >A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    >
    >A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
    >
    >
    >HAPPINESS
    >
    >To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
    >little.
    >
    >To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
    >her at all.
    >
    >
    >
    >LONGEVITY
    >
    >Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
    >willing to die.
    >
    >
    >
    >PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
    >
    >A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    >
    >A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
    >
    >
    >
    >DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
    >
    >A woman has the last word in any argument.
    >
    >Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
    >
    >
    >
    >HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
    >
    >Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
    >cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the
    >same thing to them at funerals.

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Arm's Avatar Poster
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    Originally posted by hippychick@7 August 2004 - 14:36
    >Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
    >cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the
    >same thing to them at funerals.
    Ha ha.

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    Aug 2003
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    Originally posted by Arm+7 August 2004 - 11:45--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (Arm @ 7 August 2004 - 11:45)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'> <!--QuoteBegin-hippychick@7 August 2004 - 14:36
    >Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
    >cackling, telling me, "You&#39;re next." They stopped after I started doing the
    >same thing to them at funerals.
    Ha ha. [/b][/quote]

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    silent h3ro's Avatar Poster BT Rep: +9BT Rep +9
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    Detroit
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    Originally posted by cpt_azad+7 August 2004 - 17:55--></div><table border='0' align='center' width='95%' cellpadding='3' cellspacing='1'><tr><td>QUOTE (cpt_azad @ 7 August 2004 - 17:55)</td></tr><tr><td id='QUOTE'>
    Originally posted by Arm@7 August 2004 - 11:45
    <!--QuoteBegin-hippychick
    @7 August 2004 - 14:36
    >Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
    >cackling, telling me, "You&#39;re next." They stopped after I started doing the
    >same thing to them at funerals.

    Ha ha.
    [/b][/quote]
    Yeah that lasty line is pretty damn funny&#33;

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