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Thread: New USA Barbies

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
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    Hawaii Barbie
    This princess Barbie is only sold in High Priced Malls. She comes with an
    assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign
    lapdog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dream house with a saguaro cactus in front.
    Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic
    ex-husband Ken comes with a Porsche.

    Arizonia Barbie
    This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan
    and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation
    or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Can
    swear in English, Spanish or Chinese. Available at Target.

    New York Barbie
    This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a
    '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only
    available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably small
    bills,unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

    Illinois Barbie
    This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
    H2.Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country club
    membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Spanish-speaking Nanny.
    University Park Barbie hasn't been affordable since the early 80's.

    Louisiana Barbie
    This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
    small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. Wants
    to major in NASCAR at Eastfield College. She has a six-pack of Coors Light
    and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
    mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and
    get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Available at Ross or at
    special locations in New Orleans on First Mondays.

    Nevada Barbie
    This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
    high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out
    of Kanas Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes low-rise
    acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip gloss, and a see-through halter
    top.Comes with Barbie's dream doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart.
    Cheap.


    Colorado Barbie
    This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears leopard print spandex
    and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the lodge. Into
    crystals. Comes with Percocet prescription and botox. Also cheap.

    Tennesee Barbie
    This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
    accessories include a G.E.D. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were
    available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the
    infant.

    California Barbie
    This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
    archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She
    prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if
    you purchase two San Fransico Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a
    rainbow flag sticker free.

    North Carolina Barbie
    Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect in every way.
    We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or in Japan on
    business. N.C. Barbie aspires to become S.C. Barbie. Not cheap, but still
    very naive.

    Virgina Barbie
    Into football, animals and bonfires. 98% belong to a cult, 2% are free
    thinking and void of any "traditions." Does nothing but complain about
    Washington Barbie.

    New Mexico Barbie
    This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired
    temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This
    is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a meat-packer's uniform
    and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not yet
    available for New Mexico Barbie or Ken. Available at Carnival Stores only.

    Washinton Barbie/Ken
    This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
    adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts. Likes to "experiment".
    Doesn't understand why Virgina Barbie complains so much

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    100%'s Avatar ╚════╩═╬════╝
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  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
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    LMAO... I liked the GI Jane barbie the best

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    100%'s Avatar ╚════╩═╬════╝
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    finally found a use for them (her)

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    New York Barbie
    This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a
    '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only
    available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably small
    bills,unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

    LMFAO that's fuckin hilarious

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

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