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Thread: Great Reasons to be a Guy

  1. #1
    Rat Faced's Avatar Broken
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    Great Reasons To Be A Guy

    Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

    You know stuff about tanks.

    A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

    You can open all your own jars.

    Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.

    You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

    You can kill your own food.

    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

    Wedding plans take care of themselves.

    If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

    If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

    Everything on your face stays its original color.

    You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

    You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.

    Car mechanics tell you the truth.

    You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."

    You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.

    You can leave the motel bed unmade.

    Same work...more pay.

    Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack

    Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

    Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - $75.

    You don't mooch off other's desserts.

    You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

    If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

    Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"

    You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

    You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

    You almost never have strap problems in public.

    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

    The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

    You don't have to shave below your neck.

    At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.

    Your belly usually hides your big hips.

    One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

    You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

    Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes

    An It Harm None, Do What You Will

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    Lilmiss's Avatar Poster BT Rep: +4
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    MAN POEM



    Everyday I give thanks to God

    I was born a man instead of a broad

    When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV

    I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee

    I go to a barber, not a beauty salon

    Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on

    Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts

    I use my turn signal, I understand sports

    Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man

    Tell you the reason I am

    I don't go through a faze every 28 days

    Man, I'm glad I'm a man

    I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons

    Don't take a lot of friends when I go the the john

    I don't throw a fit when I break a nail

    I don't buy a lot of shoes just because they're on sale

    I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror

    I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer

    I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass

    I don't ask my friends about the size of my ass

    Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man

    Tell you the reason I am

    I don't face the pain of water-weight gain

    Man, I'm glad I'm a man

    Let me tell you ladies

    Listen to me ladies

    I love those things inside of your blouse

    I love your pretty faces

    Your warm and soft embraces

    But if I had my own two boobs, I'd never leave the house

    I don't spend two hours getting ready for a date

    I don't play with dolls unless they inflate

    When someone asks me my age, I never lie

    After sex in bed, my spot's always dry

    I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines

    I don't mind if my dates try to get in my jeans

    I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie

    This is the same underwear I wore yesterday

    Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man

    Tell you the reason I am

    I don't take a pill, I don't use Massengill

    Man, I'm glad I'm a man

    Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man

    Tell you the reason I am

    I find Michael Bolton completely revoltin'

    Man, I'm glad I'm a man



    Suprise!
    Last edited by lilmiss; 11-11-2004 at 12:52 AM.
    They can tak' oour lives, but they cannae tak' oour troousers!
    ___________________________
    Last edited by Alien5; Today at 12:51

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    Jon L. Obscene's Avatar Canadain potatoes!!!
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    Amen to that

    Jonno

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    100%'s Avatar ╚════╩═╬════╝
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    although with this one " You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt."
    i always turn the wrong way
    i think its a left handed thing

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    Quote Originally Posted by 15%


    although with this one " You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt."
    i always turn the wrong way
    i think its a left handed thing

    just remember "clockwise-close". thats how i do it.

  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    100%'s Avatar ╚════╩═╬════╝
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    bingo

    how come nobody explained this ??

    *goes off to complain to family upbringing*

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