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Thread: job application

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
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    This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a
    McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he
    was so honest and funny!

    NAME: Greg Bulmash

    SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
    whatever's available. If I was in
    a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
    style severance package. If
    that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes.

    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
    post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a
    more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
    LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
    "Do you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a
    winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
    with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the
    greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing
    that now.

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
    KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

    SIGN HERE: Aries.

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    bujub22's Avatar THE GREAT
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    lmao to this

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    zacspeed's Avatar Pheasant plucker
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    brilliant!

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    Afronaut's Avatar Xenu
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    A Winnar.

    Spoiler: Show

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    ziggyjuarez's Avatar Poster
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    hehehaha

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    Keikan's Avatar ........
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    Edmonton (Not Enfield)
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    28
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    Living in the Bahamas
    with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the
    greatest thing since sliced bread

    oh yeah
    Ohh noo!!! I make dribbles!!!

  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    peat moss's Avatar Software Farmer BT Rep: +15BT Rep +15BT Rep +15
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    On mine, sex = Not lately !

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