a bit of a laugh pt 2

[cpt_azad]

The youngest daughter said "Mom you always told
me I should never talk with my mouth full."

[cpt_azad]

Jacob Levy had finished his sales rounds for the week and had done very well. So he thought he would give himself a justly deserved reward and went to a brothel.
The Madam said, "Well, you can have this nice Chinese girl over there for $5, then I have a redhead for $10 and this terrific blonde for $15."

Jacob decided to spend $10.

More than thirty years later, Jacob's wife died and he felt lonely, so once again he went to the brothel. He recognized the redhead who was now the Madam, and there was a loud reunion. Whereupon a huge man of about 30 appeared and called out, "Mom, is this guy bothering you?"

"No, no," said the Madam, "in fact, John, I'd like you to meet your father."

"What?" said John, 'this little Jewish guy's my father?"

To which Jacob responded, "Watch your manners! If I hadn't been so generous, you'd have been a Chinaman."

LMFAO

[baccyman]

"I'm in love with my horse," the nervous man told his psychiatrist.
"Nothing to worry about," the psychiatrist consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter of fact, my wife and I have a dog that we are very attached to."

"But, doctor," continued the troubled patient, "I feel ummm,... *physically* attracted to my horse!"

"Hmmm," the doctor asked, "Is it male or female?"

"Female, of course!" the man replied. "What do you think I am...GAY?"



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For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase.

So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out.

Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage & no bike!"

[cpt_azad]

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase.

So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out.

Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage & no bike!"

good one

[baccyman]

A woman from Alabama, who knew absolutely nothing about sex, fell in love with a man and agreed to marry him. As their wedding day approached, she became very nervous about her impending deflowering. Putting her anxiety aside, she decided that she would just marry her man and let him do whatever it was that he wanted to do.
The honeymoon went well and was great fun, but as soon as she got home, she went to see her doctor to question him on some of the new things she’d seen.

"What can I help you with?" he asked.

She said, "Well first, what is that thing between my husband's legs called?"

"Ma’am," he answered, "that there is called a penis."

"I see," she said. "Now what is the big thing on the end of the penis called?"

The old doctor smiled and said, "Why that there is called the head of the penis."

"I do declare!" exclaimed the young woman. "One last question doctor, what are those two big round things about 12 to 14 inches behind the head of the penis?"

He paused and said "I'm not sure about your husband, ma’am, but on me, they’re called the cheeks of my ass."



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Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation."

Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be quite ill."

[baccyman]

I know I'm really good in bed
because women always ask me if there's any possible way I could make it last longer.



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Pretty soon, the little ones start asking questions:
Embarrassing ones at that. I remember when my kids asked me, "Where do babies come from."

I tried not to lie to them. I told them the straight facts:

"Carelessness... Pure carelessness."



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A Jewish lady goes into a furniture store owned by a Jewish man. She picks out a lamp she likes and brings it to the counter.
She finds out the price is $69.95 and says, "Oy, down the street at Goldstein's these are only $49.95!"

The owner asks why she doesn't buy it from Goldstein's, and she says, "Because they just ran out of them."

The owner throws up his hands and says, "Ha! When I'm out of them, they're only $29.95!"

[cpt_azad]

A Jewish lady goes into a furniture store owned by a Jewish man. She picks out a lamp she likes and brings it to the counter.
She finds out the price is $69.95 and says, "Oy, down the street at Goldstein's these are only $49.95!"

The owner asks why she doesn't buy it from Goldstein's, and she says, "Because they just ran out of them."

The owner throws up his hands and says, "Ha! When I'm out of them, they're only $29.95!"

lol

[baccyman]

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about eight times. At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, where upon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them. "Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. Whereupon the old lady answers, "We just love the chocolate around them............."



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A old woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and she asks the bartender for a scotch and two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her a drink she says, "It's my birthday today and I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday."

The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday I'll buy you a drink. In fact I'll take care of this one for you."

As the woman finishes her drink a woman to her right says, "I guess I should buy you a drink too."

The 80 year-old woman says, "Alright. Bartender I want a scotch and two drops of water."

"Alright" says the bartender.

As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "Since I'm the only one around you that hasn't bought you a drink I guess I might as well buy you one too."

The old woman says, "Alright, bartender I want a scotch and two drops of water."

"Comin' right up" the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink he says, "Ma'am I'm dying of curiosity. Why the scotch and only two drops of water?"

The woman replies, "Sonny, you learn that when you're my age, you can hold your liquor but you sure can't hold your water!"

[cpt_azad]

[rmthegreat88]

non comprende,

pope secola

pepsi cola

at least thats what i think