a bit of a laugh pt 2

[thecreator89]

"my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
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'Yes," snapped the old man, "and cheap ones, too."

Hilarious

[scribblec]

Two Jewish businessmen meet in a restaurant for a lunch suggested by one of them.
One of them says, "I have a good deal for you. When I was in Florida, I went to the town where the circus stays during the winter. I happened to pick up an elephant. I could let you have it for three thousand dollars."

The other businessman sipped his martini and said, "What am I going to do with an elephant? I live in a condo. I barely have room for my furniture. I can’t even squeeze in an end table. So I’m going to buy an elephant?"

The first businessman said, "I could let you have three of them for two grand..."

"Oh," said the other, "now you’re talking!"

dont get

[tesco]

dont get

They're saying Jewish men are cheap

[cpt_azad]

ya it means (joke, i'm not in anyway implying jewish ppl are like this) that they will buy anything that's a bargain or a deal.

[baccyman]

What is the difference between a condom and
coffins?

They both hold stiffs but one's coming and one's
going.

_______________________________________________________________

A Blonde and a Brunette are sitting at a bar
enjoying a can of beer. The Brunette said:

"I smell sperm!"

The Blonde said

"Sorry, I Burped!"
________________________________________________________________

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started
talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said
there would be no excuses for not showing up
tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or
an immediate family member's death. One smart
ass, male student said, "What about extreme
sexual exhaustion?" and the whole classroom
burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher
glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse,
you can use your other hand to write."

________________________________________________________________

What is a blonde's favorite surgery?

A SLIPADICTOME!

[ziggyjuarez]

What is the difference between a condom and
coffins?

They both hold stiffs but one's coming and one's
going.

[cpt_azad]

A Blonde and a Brunette are sitting at a bar
enjoying a can of beer. The Brunette said:

"I smell sperm!"

The Blonde said

"Sorry, I Burped!"

[baccyman]

Two elderly residents, one male and one female, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening. The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what you're wanting, and for $5 I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."
The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word.

The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."

The old lady still says nothing but after a couple minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and holds it up.

"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.

"Get serious," she replies. "I want four times in the rocking chair!"



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Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, "Someone should go and tell his wife." Bill says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack. Charlie says, "Where did you get that, Bill?" "Steve's wife gave it to me."

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you the beer?" Bill says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, `You must be Steve's widow.`"

She said, "`No, I'm not a widow."

And I said, "Wanna bet me a six-pack?"

[baccyman]

A hunter spots a small brown bear and shoots it. He then feels a tap on his shoulder, turns around, and is face to face with a big black bear. “You’ve got two choices,” says the bear. “I maul you, or we have sex.” The guy opts to take it from the bear. After recovering for two weeks, the pissed-off hunter searches out and shoots the big black bear. Just then he feels another tap on his shoulder, and turns to see a 10-foot grizzly standing over him. “Admit it,” says the bear. “You don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”

[cpt_azad]

A hunter spots a small brown bear and shoots it. He then feels a tap on his shoulder, turns around, and is face to face with a big black bear. “You’ve got two choices,” says the bear. “I maul you, or we have sex.” The guy opts to take it from the bear. After recovering for two weeks, the pissed-off hunter searches out and shoots the big black bear. Just then he feels another tap on his shoulder, and turns to see a 10-foot grizzly standing over him. “Admit it,” says the bear. “You don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”