HAHAHAHA
Colonel
HAHAHAHA
Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.
n00b
BT Rep: +11
A man goes to see his doctor. The doctor asks what is wrong and the man says, "Doctor, I think I'm a moth." To this the doctor responds, "You think you're a moth? Well I don't think you need a doctor. Sounds like what you need is a therapist." "Yeah I know," replies the patient. "I was on my way to see a therapist, but I came in here because I saw your light was on."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once there was a prostitute who had three different rates based on the following three conditions:
1) $100.00 to do it on the grass.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2) $200.00 to do it on a couch.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3) $300.00 to do it in the bed.
In the morning a British bloke walks in and slaps a $100 note on the table. So they went out and did it on the grass.
Soon, an American fellow walks in and slaps a $200 note on the table. So they head for the couch and did it there.
About the end on the day, a Jamaican man walks in and slaps $300 on the table.Happy from seeing the money the prostitute says, "Wow, you have class"
The Jamaican responds, "Class mi ass... Three times pon the grass."
Colonel
LMFAOOnce there was a prostitute who had three different rates based on the following three conditions:
1) $100.00 to do it on the grass.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2) $200.00 to do it on a couch.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3) $300.00 to do it in the bed.
In the morning a British bloke walks in and slaps a $100 note on the table. So they went out and did it on the grass.
Soon, an American fellow walks in and slaps a $200 note on the table. So they head for the couch and did it there.
About the end on the day, a Jamaican man walks in and slaps $300 on the table.Happy from seeing the money the prostitute says, "Wow, you have class"
The Jamaican responds, "Class mi ass... Three times pon the grass."
Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.
n00b
BT Rep: +11
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope...due to inflation, constant down-sizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
"The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map again."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a teacher went into her classroom and saw the word "penis" written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day's lesson.
The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkboard, but a little bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.
Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find "penis" on the board, a little larger each time. She went in one morning, expecting to find it again, but instead the chalkboard read :
"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."
Poster
Lol
effendi
Originally Posted by Withcheese
I plan on beating him to death with his kids. I'll use them as a bludgeon on his face. -
--Good for them if they survive.
Colonel
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
The Genie said, "Nope...due to inflation, constant down-sizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
"The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map again."
lol
Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.
n00b
BT Rep: +11
"Guess what I heard in the bar today?" a man asks his wife upon returning home.
"They think the milkman has slept with every woman on our block except one."
His wife replies, "I'll bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis in No. 23."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy is 77 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up." He looked around and could not see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice again, "Pick me up."
He looked in the water and there floating on the top was a frog. The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll then give you more sexual pleasure that you could ever have dreamed of."
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. Then the frog said, "What are you nuts, didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had."
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Naah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
Colonel
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Naah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.
n00b
BT Rep: +11
A woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he is still a virgin. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback.
They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.
"What happened?" she asks.
"I've never been with a woman," he says, "but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage.
He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip." The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter.
The usher looks at the quarter, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Proof That Sex IS Good Exercise It has been known for many years that Sex was good exercise, but until now nobody had made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after many years of "original and proprietary" research we are proud to present the following results.
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands........................ 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
With your teeth........................ 85 Calories
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection....................... 6 Calories
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories
PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris............ 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.............. 92 Calories
He Actually Found the G-Spot........... 186 Calories
POSITIONS:
Missionary............................ 12 Calories
69 lying down......................... 78 Calories
69 standing up........................ 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow........................... 216 Calories
Doggy Style........................... 326 Calories
Ceiling Fan........................... 912 Calories
ORGASMING:
Real.................................. 112 Calories
False................................. 315 Calories
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging................... 18 Calories
Cleaning Up............................ 24 Calories
Getting up immediately................. 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately............................ 816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are: 20-29 years old............ 36 Calories
30-39 years............................ 80 Calories
40-49 years............................ 124 Calories
50-59 years............................ 972 Calories
60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
70 and over............................ Results are still pending
GETTING DRESSED AFTERWARDS:
Calmly................................ 32 Calories
In a hurry............................ 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door.. 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door... 3521 Calories
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks