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Thread: Sexy jokes

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    In a State Of Confusion

    Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
    "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
    "Social Security sex?"
    "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"



    A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor.
    Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear
    splitting yell."
    "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the
    problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"



    Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
    during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you
    have an orgasm?"

    She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never! Home!"



    A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn
    from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him
    back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it
    was considered cosmetic.

    The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small", $6,500 for
    "medium," $14,000 for "large."

    The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him
    to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called
    his wife on the phone and explained their options.

    The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.

    "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man
    answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."



    A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
    anniversary.. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
    that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever.'"

    "Yeah," she snarls, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
    Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"


    My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you
    happy tonight."

    He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the
    doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.



    One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old
    husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing
    him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment...killing
    him instantly.

    Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had
    anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I
    figured that at 92, if he could have sex...he could fly.

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Surrey, BC
    "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man
    answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.


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