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Thread: Adult Fairy Tales

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
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    CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't
    let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
    appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs
    to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.



    "First, you must wear a diaphragm."
    Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
    "You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn
    into a pumpkin."
    Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and
    goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella
    shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
    "Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm
    was supposed to turn into a
    pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
    " I met a prince, Fairy Godmother.
    He took care of everything."
    The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power!
    Tell me his name!"
    Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, .
    Peter, Peter, something or other..."
    ___________________________________________


    PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
    splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to
    visit
    Gepetto to see if he could help.
    Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and
    Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
    A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through
    town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
    Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
    _____________________________________________


    LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the
    Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her
    throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
    To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket
    and pulled out a ..44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No,
    you're not.
    You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
    ____________________________________________


    MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said
    to Mickey,
    "You say here that your wife is crazy."
    Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy."
    ___________________________________________
    SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
    behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face
    crying, "Lie to me!
    Lie to me!"
    ___________________________________________


    Did you know...Captain Hook died from jock itch.
    ____________________________________________

    One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him
    and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged
    to have sex.
    "What's that?" he asked.
    She explained to him what sex was and he said,
    "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree."
    Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show
    you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the
    ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in
    here."
    Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an
    almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually
    she managed to gasp,
    "What the hell did you do that for?"
    "Just checking for bees," said Tarzan.

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
    Join Date
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    Location
    Surrey, BC
    Posts
    6,741
    PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
    splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to
    visit
    Gepetto to see if he could help.
    Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and
    Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
    A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through
    town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
    Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
    LMFAO

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    [QUOTE=hippychick]


    PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
    splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to
    visit
    Gepetto to see if he could help.
    Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and
    Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
    A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through
    town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
    Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
    QUOTE]

    omg classic

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