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Thread: Things People Said In Court

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
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    Things People Said In Court




    These are things people said in court, word for word, taken down and
    now
    published by court reporters.
    ______________________________________________
    Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give
    your wife $775 a week."
    Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks
    myself."
    _______________________________________
    Q: What is your date of birth?
    A: July fifteenth.
    Q: What year?
    A: Every year
    ______________________________________________
    Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ______________________________________________
    Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    A: I forget.
    Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you've
    forgotten?
    ______________________________________________
    Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    Q: How long has he lived with you?
    A: Forty-five years.
    _____________________________________________
    Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
    that morning?
    A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    Q: And why did that upset you?
    A: My name is Susan.
    ______________________________________________
    Q: And where was the location of the accident?
    A: Approximately milepost 499.
    Q: And where is milepost 499?
    A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
    ______________________________________________
    Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
    A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
    ______________________________________________
    Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
    A: After the accident?
    Q: Before the accident.

    A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
    ______________________________________________
    Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
    lights flashing?
    A: Yes.
    Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
    A: Yes, sir.
    Q: What did she say?
    A: What disco am I at?
    _______________________________________________
    Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
    doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    A: Would you repeat that question, please?
    ______________________________________________
    Q: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?
    _______________________________________________
    Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    _______________________________________________
    Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was August 8th?
    A: Yes.
    Q: And what were you doing at that time?
    A: I resent that question.
    _______________________________________________
    Q: She had three children, right?

    A: Yes.
    Q: How many were boys?

    A: None.
    Q: Were there any girls?
    _______________________________________________
    Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

    A: Yes.

    Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
    _______________________________________________
    Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

    A: By death.

    Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
    ______________________________________________
    Q: Can you describe the individual?
    A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    Q: Was this a male or a female?
    _______________________________________________
    Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition that
    I sent to your attorney?
    A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    _______________________________________________
    Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    _______________________________________________
    Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?

    A: OK.
    Q: What school did you go to?

    A: Oral.
    _______________________________________________
    Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

    A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

    A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
    autopsy
    on him.
    _______________________________________________
    Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    _______________________________________________
    Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse?
    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

    A: No.
    Q: Did you check for breathing?

    A: No.
    Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
    the autopsy?

    A: No.
    Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

    A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
    law somewhere.

    Some are new some are old

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    ziggyjuarez's Avatar Poster
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    Dont know why but that mad me laugh more then it should have,must be in a laughing mood then

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    lmao i'm printing these right now, freakin hilarious

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

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