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Thread: Jok3s

  1. #1
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    The Amish Hand Warmer: An amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." the mother replied "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

    The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did and warmed his hands. The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."

    The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" The daughter replies, "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"

    ----------------------

    A guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm. He sets the octopus on a stool next to him and announces: "This is an amazing octopus. I'll bet anyone in this bar $50 that this octopus can play any instrument set in front of it."

    None of the people could believe this, so one guy brought up a guitar. The octopus took hold of the guitar and started picking away, better than Jimi Hendrix. The man took $50 from the guitarist. Next someone brings up a trumpet. The octopus started playing the trumpet, better than Herb Alpert. The man won another $50 from the trumpeter. Then some guy brought up some bagpipes. The octopus picked up the bagpipes for a minute and, looking a little puzzled, set them down again.

    "Can't you play the bagpipes?" asked the man. "Play it?" said the octopus, "I'm gonna screw it as soon as I figure out how to get its pajamas off."

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    can I curse? FUCK!
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    Quote Originally Posted by cpt_azad
    "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"
    Rofl!!

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    ya that's a funny one, fuckin coke came out thru my nose (no you sicko, the liquid kind) when i heard that one, it hurt for a week

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    baccyman's Avatar n00b BT Rep: +11BT Rep +11BT Rep +11
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    i have seen them before somewhere

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    Damn's_bbygirl's Avatar Damn's babygirl
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    ROFL! I think I tore my skin away from my ribs...ouch!

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    Quote Originally Posted by baccyman
    i have seen them before somewhere

    shhhh, exnay on the seenthemeh i dont know what your talkin about

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    Cheese's Avatar Poster
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    Quote Originally Posted by cpt_azad
    The Amish Hand Warmer: An amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." the mother replied "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

  8. Funny S**t   -   #8
    manker's Avatar effendi
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    Quote Originally Posted by Withcheese
    I plan on beating him to death with his kids. I'll use them as a bludgeon on his face. -

    --Good for them if they survive.

  9. Funny S**t   -   #9
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    spamz0rz rox0rz says manker

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  10. Funny S**t   -   #10
    Cheese's Avatar Poster
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