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Thread: The 2004 Darwin Awards

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
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    The 2004 Darwin Awards

    You all know about the Darwin Awards. It's an annual honor given to
    the person who did the "gene pool" the most service by killing
    themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last Year's Winner
    was the fellow who attempted to wash his own in a ball washer at the
    local golf course? As always, competition this year has been keen. And
    the candidates this year are?

    According to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy
    Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the
    game of chicken they were playing with their Snowmobiles.

    In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
    water after squeezing head fi rst through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate
    to retrieve his car keys.

    A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
    ran," - accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily
    run.

    Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
    into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
    Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
    been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
    collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
    the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their
    way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him.
    It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free
    him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced d ead at a
    hospital.

    Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
    face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
    Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
    (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit
    the floor.

    According to police in Dahlonega, GA, - ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20,
    was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23,
    who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest
    Berrena was wearing.

    Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won
    a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with
    four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

    HONORABLE MENTION:

    In Guthrie, Okl a, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede
    with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a
    rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head,
    fracturing his skull.

    In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
    cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
    torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
    house.

    Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his
    wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up
    in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
    dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen,
    but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.


    RUNNER UP:

    TAC OMA, WA
    Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them
    said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the TacomaNarrows
    Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and
    at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am.
    Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one
    had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
    volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby.
    One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other
    end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
    tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived
    his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby
    fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out
    for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it".
    Bingham's foot was never located.


    AND THE WINNER:

    Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed
    his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more
    than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up
    pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200
    pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
    attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the
    relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's
    unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he
    struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
    continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted
    Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there to help him,
    he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came
    along, and during that time he suffocated It seems to be just one of
    those freak accidents that "s**t happens."

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and his
    wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up
    in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
    dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen,
    but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
    fucking dumbasses hahahahahahaha

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    vivitron 15's Avatar Poster
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    shit happens - oh god.....didnt see it coming!

    all amazing those ones - just too funny
    <insert signature here>

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    ya i got the book too (darwin awards) not sure what year, but it's freakin hilarious like this one couple who started making love in their car that was parked inside a closed garage and the engine still running. they died of carbon monoxide poisening.

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    Cheese's Avatar Poster
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    These are great

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    Chewie's Avatar Chew E. Bakke
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    My favourite was always the guy that replaced a blown headlight fuse with a bullet that heated up and discharged, removing his bollocks.
    There isn't a bargepole long enough for me to work on [a Sony Viao] - clocker 2008

  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    manker's Avatar effendi
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chewie UK
    My favourite was always the guy that replaced a blown headlight fuse with a bullet that heated up and discharged, removing his bollocks.
    I plan on beating him to death with his kids. I'll use them as a bludgeon on his face. -

    --Good for them if they survive.

  8. Funny S**t   -   #8
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chewie UK
    My favourite was always the guy that replaced a blown headlight fuse with a bullet that heated up and discharged, removing his bollocks.

    that was on mythbusters, and apparently they proved it can and will happen scary stuff gotta try it someday .




































    no you dumbass not me, i was thinking we could get danb to do it

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

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