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Thread: Police One Liners

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
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    Police One Liners...

    The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

    #15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
    They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

    #14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

    #13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

    #12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
    that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

    #11 "So you don't know how fast you were going.
    I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

    #10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.
    Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

    #9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again
    or I'll give you another ticket."

    #8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.
    Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

    #7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides,
    eat cotton candy, and step in monkey $#! *!."

    #6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

    #5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

    #4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

    #3 "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas
    but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

    #2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours.
    At least you know someone who can post your bail."

    and the best one . . . . .

    #1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ... You're right, we don't. .... Sign here."

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    #8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not.
    Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
    LMAO

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    Damn's_bbygirl's Avatar Damn's babygirl
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    Quote Originally Posted by hippychick

    and the best one . . . . .

    #1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? ... You're right, we don't. .... Sign here."
    thats so harsh!! LMFAO

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    100%'s Avatar ╚════╩═╬════╝
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    excellent

  5. Funny S**t   -   #5
    sArA's Avatar Ex-Moderatererer
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    Made me positively titter...

  6. Funny S**t   -   #6
    TheDave's Avatar n00b
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    i thought were all funny, except #1 cos it went right over my head

  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
    Illuminati's Avatar Simple Bystander BT Rep: +7BT Rep +7
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheDave
    i thought were all funny, except #1 cos it went right over my head
    He ain't horny when seeing her
    Last edited by Illuminati; 02-20-2005 at 02:27 AM.

  8. Funny S**t   -   #8
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    lol smooth dave, real smooth

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

  9. Funny S**t   -   #9
    Cheese's Avatar Poster
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  10. Funny S**t   -   #10
    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

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