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Thread: A True Story About a Blonde...

  1. #1
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER

    (the actual AP headline)


    Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
    Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to t he car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open,and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

    The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

    A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

    Linda is a blonde, but I'm certain that's not relevant
    Last edited by j2k4; 03-04-2005 at 01:20 AM.
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by j2k4
    KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER

    (the actual AP headline)


    Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.
    Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to t he car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open,and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

    The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

    A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

    Linda is a blonde, but I'm certain that's not relevant

    Damnit, J2!!!! I told you not to tell anyone about this!!!!

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    j2k4's Avatar en(un)lightened
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    I figured it was okay since the AP had it already.

    Sorry.
    “Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that.” -George Carlin

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by j2k4
    I figured it was okay since the AP had it already.

    Sorry.

    Oh my gosh. You gave it to them, too?

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    tesco's Avatar woowoo
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    Virtualbody1234's Avatar Forum Star BT Rep: +2
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    Pow!

  7. Funny S**t   -   #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Virtualbody1234
    Pow!

    Yes, I imagine that is exactly what the blonde heard when the biscuits hit her!


    J2: I hope you know I was just messing with you. I hold you in high regard and your discretion is beyond compare.

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    cpt_azad's Avatar Colonel
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    lol, now that's just sad

    Jeff Loomis: He's so good, he doesn't need to be dead to have a tribute.

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    Snee's Avatar Error xɐʇuʎs BT Rep: +1
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    Blonde jokes are stupid, m'kay?


    The colour of her hair is irrelevant to her idiocy.

  10. Funny S**t   -   #10
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    Oh no. ... ... Funny, my response to J2 had nothing to do with my blondeness, actually. But then, I guess to me the term 'blonde moment' has become a way of identifying those moments when we react without thinking first. And maybe that is in a way unfair. But I can attest to the fact that my blonde friends and myself are probably the worst at passing these jokes on, and due to our ability to recognize these moments in ourselves and laugh about them, we try to outdo each other on finding the best blonde jokes available. I guess I would have to apologize to any other blondes I have ever offended.


    It is those damn biscuit cans the story talks about SnnY!!!!! I hate them. I guess you would actually have to know me, and my trouble with these cans to understand my response to J2. And he didn't know my history either, so my response startled him, I am thinking.

    Have you ever opened these biscuit cans the story is talking about? You have to tear away the outer wrapping and then strike them on the edge of the counter at which point they actually BURST open. I am embarassed to say that I have this fear of the sudden popping noise. It is so much a fear that the few times I use them, I will go and get my husband, wherever he is, and ask him to open them for me. I actually don't use these biscuits now because I saw how ridiculous it was when I actually had to interrupt him while he was mowing the lawn to come inside and do the rapping and popping thing for me!!!! It makes me uneasy to linger around their display case in the grocery store!!!!

    I read the story above and saw myself in it. Because of my embarrasing, established fear of those biscuit cans, I am afraid to say............I may have responded the same exact way this woman in the story did.

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