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Thread: court cases part 3

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
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    THE FOLLOWING ARE REAL STATEMENTS MADE DURING COURT CASES:

    Judge: I know you, don't I?
    Defendant: Uh, yes.
    Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you?
    Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you?
    Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me.
    Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    From a defendant representing himself . .
    Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when I allegedly stole your purse?
    Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly. You are the one who stole my purse.
    Defendant: I should have shot you while I had the chance.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Judge: The charge here is theft of frozen chickens. Are you the defendant?
    Defendant: No, sir, I'm the guy who stole the chickens.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Lawyer: How do you feel about defense attorneys?
    Juror: I think they should all be drowned at birth.
    Lawyer: Well, then, you are obviously biased for the prosecution.
    Juror: That's not true. I think prosecutors should be drowned at birth, too.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
    Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
    Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
    Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
    Judge: And why is that?
    Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case.
    Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have a comment on the defendant's motion?
    Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Judge: Please identify yourself for the record.
    Defendant: Colonel Ebenezer Jackson.
    Judge: What does the 'Colonel' stand for?
    Defendant: Well, it's kinda like the 'Honorable' in front of your name - not
    a thing.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkenness. Have you anything to say
    in your defense?
    Defendant: Habitual thirstiness?
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the
    court?
    Judge: Of course.
    Defendant: If I called you a s.o.b, what would you do?
    Judge: I'd hold you in contempt and assess an additional five days in jail.
    Defendant: What if I thought you were a s.o.b
    Judge: I can't do anything about that. There's no law against thinking.
    Defendant: In that case, I think you're a s.o.b

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    wheres part2

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