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Thread: Homer Simpson

  1. #11
    "This is how Headless Joe lost his leg."

    Might not be funny to others, but I get it.

  2. Lounge   -   #12
    Here's some more.... Enjoy!

    "How would you like it if the King of England busted
    in here and started pushing you around huh? HUH?"

    "Hey! If you don't like go to Russia!"

    "You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel."

    "Oooo... Look at me! I'm making people HAPPY!
    I'm the magical-man from happy-land,
    living in a gumdrop house on lollypop laaaaane!"

    "Ovulate damn you OVULATE!!!"

    "Woo-Hoo, Beer Beer Beer Bed Bed Bed!"

    "Let's go find that hot-dog tree I planted."

    "When I was seventeen, I drank some very good beer,
    I drank some very good beer I purchased with a fake ID.
    My name was Brian McGee, I stayed up listening to Queen,
    when I was seventeen...."

    (Written on Homer's hand)
    Lenny=White
    Carl=Black
    "Is that right?"

    "Oh my god! If Marge marries Arti... I'll have never been born!!!"

    "Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days.
    This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book!
    Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."

    "Trying is the first step towards failure."

    "Rock stars ... is there anything they don't know?"

    "Ah, the college roadtrip. What better way to spread beer-fueled mayhem?"

    "All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers.
    I can get by with one."

    "And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter?
    Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old
    stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"

    "I don't apologize. I am sorry Lisa, that's the way I am."

    "What's keeping Joan Rivers alive?"

    "Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and ... um ... Oh, wait a minute. Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They look good, they smell good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, soon you wanna drink another woman!"

    "Do you want to change your name to Homer, Jr.?
    The kids can call you Hoju!"

    "Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them."

    "Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove
    anything that's even remotely true!"

    "Marge, your paintings look like the things they look like."

    "Here's to alcohol : The cause of ... and answer to all of life's problems."

    "I bet Einstein turned himself into all sorts of colors
    before he invented the light bulb."

    "I like my beer cold ... my TV loud ... and my homosexuals flaming."

    "I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called, The Bus That couldn't Slow Down."

    "I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

    "I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!"

    "In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power,
    then you get the women!"

    "Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers. "

    "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

    "Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harassing that woman."

    "Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman -- and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing."

    "Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours."

    "Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent.
    14% of people know that."

    "OK, son. Just remember to have fun out there today,
    and if you lose, I'LL KILL YOU!"

    "Stealing! How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whats-his-name?"

    "That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough.
    I'm going to clown college!"

    "There's a New Mexico?!?"

    "This is absolutely the last funeral we ever take you kids to."

    "This perpetual motion machine she made is a joke : It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa, get in here! In this house, we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!"

    "Movies are my only escape from the drudgery of work and family ...
    No offense."

    "I am sick of running away. Did 'brave heart' run away?
    Did 'payback' run away?"

    "Uh huh. Uh huh. Okay. Um, can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the ... things? Uh ... the things."

    "Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women.
    You just have to read the manual and press the right button. "

    "What are you gonna do? Sick your dogs on me? Or your bees? Or dogs with bees in their mouth so when they bark they shoot bees at me?"

    "When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie -- Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing like that movie, Police Academy."

    "Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked! Oh, I gotta go, my damn weiner kids are listening."

    "Oh, well, of course, everything looks bad if you remember it."

    "Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!"

    "If god didn't want me to eat in church, he would've made gluttony a sin."

    "I felt a surge of power, like god must feel, when he's holding a gun."

    "This ticket doesn't just give me a seat, it gives me the right, NO, the DUTY! to make a complete ass of myself."

    "Guys are always patting my bald head for luck,
    pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh."

    "Get used to it honey. From now on, we'll be spelling everything with letters."

    "Because sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves."

    "Well, you bought all those smoke alarms, and we haven't had a single fire. "

    "No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you."

    "Yeah, that's true. But the guy I REALLY hate is YOUR father. "

    "Are you sure this is the Sci-Fi Convention? It's full of nerds!"

    "Once the sun goes down, all the weirdos turn crazy!"

    "They took the foam off the market because they found out it was poisonous, but if you ask me, if you're dumb enough to eat it,
    you deserve to die."

    "God is teasing me! Just like he teased Moses in the desert!"

    "So I says, blue M&M, red M&M, they all wind up the same color in the end."

    "You gave both dogs away?! You know how I feel about giving!"

    "No offence Apu, but when they were handing out religions you must have been out taking a whizz."

    "That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing, but I will not stand idolly by and watch you feed a hungry dog!"

    "I want to set the record straight - I thought the cop was a prostitute."

    "If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who
    can't speak English."

    "Bart! With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like ... love!"

    "I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change and then quickly change back."

    "You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on."

    "I hope you learned your lesson, Lisa. Never help anyone."

    "I don't have to be careful. I got a gun."

    "My campaign is a disaster, Moe. I hate the public so much. If only they'd elect me, I'd make them pay."

    "Marge, how could you let me let myself go like this? "

    "The sun? That's the hottest place on Earth. "

    "Let me see ... that's 3 christmases I saved ... 8 I ruined ...
    2 were kind of draw ..."

    "Hello, is this President Clinton? Good! I figured if anyone knew where to get some tang it would be you."

    "I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in."

    "Marge, quick, how many kids do we have have?
    No time, I'll just estimate. 9!"

    "Look at 'em. Watchin' my TV. Sittin on my couch.
    You better not be in my ass groove!"

    "I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there,
    please save me Superman!"

    "But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make god madder and madder."

    "Lets just plop them in front of the TV. I was raised in front of the
    TV and I turned out TV."

    "It is better to watch things then to do them."

    "So we won't be able to pee in the drinking fountain?"

    "Where is Waldo? Aw! this is will be a lot easy without
    all these people here."

    "I may be naked and reeking with panda love, but I still have my dignity."

    "Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding,
    'you're making a scene'."

    "You heard me, I won't be in for the rest of the week. ... I told you! My baby beat me up! ... No, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up. ..."

    "I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is --
    and it's me."

  3. Lounge   -   #13
    no beer and no tv makes homer go something. something...... (Go Crazy )marge) Dont mind if i do...

  4. Lounge   -   #14
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Canberra, Australia
    Posts
    6
    This isn't Homer, but it's good. It's the ep where Mr Burns and Marge's Mum start going out, Mrs Margemum says

    Mrs Margemum: Hahaha, ohhh Monty, you are the devil himself.

    Mr Burns: WH- WHO TOLD YOU!?

  5. Lounge   -   #15
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    12
    Hahaha

    good one


  6. Lounge   -   #16
    Marge's mum is called " Jackie Bouvier "

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