A new kind of Barbie

[hippychick]

Finally a Barbie I can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW
Barbie
dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit
more
realistic...



1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion
frames
in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.



2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face
turn
beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead.
Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.



3.. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her
whiskers
grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.



4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these
new,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus
with
tummy-support panels are included.



5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have
definitely
taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with
the
pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.



6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip
lines
with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of
exclusive
age-blasting cosmetics.



7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really
paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root
for
Babs and Ken, Jr.. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and
cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.



8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a
change,
and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered,
along
with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the
Napa
Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to
Do."



9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's
car,
and Ken's boat.



10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the
ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps.
Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously.. Comes with a
little
copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.



11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneeze
<<IMSTP.gif , forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is
sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking
through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this
year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

[manker]