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Thread: My Mother the Teacher

  1. #1
    hippychick's Avatar Memo, what memo? BT Rep: +5
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    In a State Of Confusion
    My Mother the Teacher

    My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

    My mother taught me RELIGION:
    You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

    My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
    "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

    My mother taught me LOGIC:
    "Because I said so, that's why."

    My Mother taught me more LOGIC:
    "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

    My mother taught me FORESIGHT:
    "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident"

    My mother taught me IRONY:
    "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

    My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
    "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

    My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
    "Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

    My mother taught me about STAMINA:
    "You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."

    My mother taught me about WEATHER:
    "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

    My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
    "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen THEN?"

    My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
    "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times--Don't Exaggerate!!!"

    My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
    "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

    My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
    "Stop acting like your father!"

    My mother taught me about ENVY:
    "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
    who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

    My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
    "Just wait until we get home."

    My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:
    "You are going to get it when we get home!"

    My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
    "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

    My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:
    "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

    My Mother taught me ESP:
    "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

    My Mother taught me HUMOR:
    "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

    My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:
    "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

    My Mother taught me about SEX:
    "How do you think you got here?"

    My Mother taught me about GENETICS:
    "You're just like your father."

    My Mother taught me about my ROOTS:
    "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

    My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE:
    "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

    And my all time favorite...

    My Mother taught me about JUSTICE:
    "One day you'll have kids ...and I hope they turn out just like you!"

  2. Funny S**t   -   #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Right next to the weapons of mass destructions
    Awesome!!!!!! Hhaha

    <span style='font-family:Geneva'><span style='font-size:8pt;line-height:100%'><span style='color:red'> &quot;Its all fun and games till someone looses an eye......THEN its a sport&#33;&#33;&quot;
    - danyj</span></span></span>

  3. Funny S**t   -   #3
    manker's Avatar effendi
    Join Date
    May 2004
    I wear an Even Steven wit
    My mother taught me IRONY:
    "Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
    I plan on beating him to death with his kids. I'll use them as a bludgeon on his face. -

    --Good for them if they survive.

  4. Funny S**t   -   #4
    uNz[i]'s Avatar Out of order
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Love the osmosis one.

    ...and my mum used to use that last one, justice, on us kids all the time.


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