Letters Of Complaint.

[chalice]

lol seems like skizo has a chip on his shoulder today:p

If you could say but one thing to the smelly old lady what would it be?

Much better.

I would say, 'does your fucking geriatric nose not work anymore, you filthy old harridan? Ever heard of a fucking nailbrush? Cos your fingernails look like they've been picking spuds for about 3 weeks. Toothpaste is always a good idea too. Assuming you have teeth'.

Or something else.

[100%]

Dear Winter,

Fuck off and die.




Yours sincerely,
Miss Suntan Cream

[100%]

Dear old woman who invariably sits beside me on the train in the morning,

you smell of piss and cat and peppermint and hairspray and Chanel No.5. This heady mixture is worse than the sum of it's parts. Next time you sit beside me, I'm gonna find out if you're flammable.

You also breathe funny and talk to yourself on occasion. Stop it. Stop it now.

I remain your obedient servant,

Chalice (OfWeeWee).

[chalice]

Fucking quality Zed.

I is keeping that forever. True story.

[100%]

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Dear dad...

As you may or may not know, I've finished school and am going into the army sometime within the next half year.. Is that too bloody difficult to understand? It would make sense I'd like to go and socialize at night with my mates, some of whom are going into the army as we speak, meaning I'd be coming home really (really) late at night.. I in no way think this warrants a fucking yelling session as a wake up call at 12:30 PM on a Friday, just to shout at me you want me to go do the shopping, when you yourself said you'd been out to give the car a run.. How fucking stupid does that sound for gawds sake!?
So yeah, I went out and did the shopping, got the rolls for the weekend, and all you can say whe nI get back in is "fanks, now why didn't you get up earlier?"

Cos I went to sleep at 4:30AM goddamnit!! Fuck sake.. It's not like there's anything to do at home so I can happily stay in and claim to be having a good time, cos that simply isn't what happens.. So let me go out with ma mates and come back late, and understand that's why I wake up so late the next day..


Fucking fuckity fuck.

Rafi (of PishPish)

[The Flying Cow]

Dear Pigs,

please don't be offended that members of the Judaic race don't see fit to digesting you.

They are unaware of how succulent, versatile and fucking scrumptious you are.

What do they know, eh? Now do me a favour and hop onto this sammich for me. There's a good pig.

Your friend and admirer,

Chalice (OfWeeWee)

Quality.

*of chavish manor official seal* awarded

[Mr JP Fugley]

Dearest Russians of Israel -


It has come to my attention that over the past 20 years, some 1.5 million of you have made it into Israel.. That's all cool and co., except for the simple fact that most of you are FUCKING Russians who try to show no goddamn resemblance to the Jewish nation!
I mean, what would be the point coming to Israel, the state of the Jews, where most probably the idea would be to have a place that would resemble a Jewish people's place, with Jewish rituals/habits (at least to some extent), when most of you simply go about eating your stinky pig meat (no offense to all non-Jews who eat pig, it's just a phrase used to express how pissed I am), not get circumcised (at least some of you), never (EVER) go to shul, not even on the holiest day of them all (when even the most secular people give some sort of respect), eat bread on Passover (yes, some non-Russians do this too, but I'm not talking about them)..

Not only that, but you are probably responsible for the rise in prostitution, binge drinking, and non-kosher-food-eatage.. You fucking cunts. Why did you come here then!?

And no, the fact that some ancient grandfather of yours may have been Jewish.. The fact the Israeli government takes you as that is only because of the Nuremberg Laws.. Fuck sake, not good enough for me.

Go shove all your Russian shite back to Russia, and you can go with it. All your gangsta-egghead-tatted-cuntsters can get the hell out of here, we don't need you whatsoever.

On top of all that, you even brought in a grocery store "dedicated" to sell all your crap here, when you made sure all the workers would be Russians, selling non-Jewish shite which extracts any connection to the Jewish nation from you.. So ya'll can GTFO, right now.


k.thx.bai.

Racism and intolerance, it's this seasons black kids.

[chalice]

Dear Diary,

reviewing the situation, I think my favourite part was when Rafi said that Nuremberg laws weren't good enough for him.

This child will soon be given a semi-automatic rifle and marching orders.

In other news, I'm still profoundly in love with Pandora.

Wank, cigarette, then bed.

Nighty night Diary. xoxo.

[j2k4]

Dear cunt who lives opposite me,

why in the name of fuck do you deem it necessary to park your piece of shit car outside my house every fucking night in life? You've got your own fucking house to deposit that fucking jalopy in front of.

Tonight I will be tampering with your brakes, keying your windscreen and gobbing on your door handles.

Sincerely yours,

Chalice (OfWeeWee)

P.S. Your wife is shockingly ugly and your kids are spotty wee fuckers.

You go, girl!

[j2k4]

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Dear dad...

As you may or may not know, I've finished school and am going into the army sometime within the next half year.. Is that too bloody difficult to understand? It would make sense I'd like to go and socialize at night with my mates, some of whom are going into the army as we speak, meaning I'd be coming home really (really) late at night.. I in no way think this warrants a fucking yelling session as a wake up call at 12:30 PM on a Friday, just to shout at me you want me to go do the shopping, when you yourself said you'd been out to give the car a run.. How fucking stupid does that sound for gawds sake!?
So yeah, I went out and did the shopping, got the rolls for the weekend, and all you can say whe nI get back in is "fanks, now why didn't you get up earlier?"

Cos I went to sleep at 4:30AM goddamnit!! Fuck sake.. It's not like there's anything to do at home so I can happily stay in and claim to be having a good time, cos that simply isn't what happens.. So let me go out with ma mates and come back late, and understand that's why I wake up so late the next day..


Fucking fuckity fuck.

Rafi (of PishPish)

I'm damn proud of you, son.

Here are your orders:

Be more diplomatic with your folks; keep staying out late, stick to your guns if you must, but maintain your civility, even if they will not.

At the very least, it's good practice.

Call it a life-skill.

Do all of these things.

Do them now.

That is all-

Kev