A Bit Of A Laugh

[baccyman]

There were two men who went into a company to apply for the same job in a factory in Dublin, Ireland. One was an Irishman and the other was an Irish-American.
The supervisor said, "I'm going to give both of you a test. Whoever gets the best score on the test will get the job."

The two men went off to another room to take the test.

The supervisor collected the tests when each man finished. He went over them then called the men into his office one at a time.

When he talked to the native Irishman he said, "I'm afraid I had to give the job to the Yank."

The native Irishman replied, "I can't believe it! I'm from this country. I should have the best chance. What makes him have a better chance?"

The supervisor explained, "Well, on question #28 the Yank wrote down, 'I don't know,' and you wrote down on your test, 'I don't know either!'"

[baccyman]

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math, and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The members of the tribe are shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gave birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"

The professor replied, "Chief, you're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence... what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."

The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about the sheep and I won't say anything more about the baby".

[baccyman]

A group of blondes in a class at Texas A&M University were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they went out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they fell off the ladders, dropped the tape measures and pencils -- the whole thing was just a mess.
An engineering student comes along and sees what they're trying to do. He walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, and then gives the measurement to one of the blondes and walks away.

After the engineer had gone, one blonde turned to another and laughed: "Isn't that just like a dumb engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length!"

[baccyman]

A man went to the doctor’s office for a full body exam. To the doctor’s surprise, the man had a cork where his asshole should be. “What is this?”, asked the Doctor. “Oh, you’re referring to the cork. Don’t try to remove it… it’s permanent.” “How did it happen?” “Well, few months ago I was having a long walk on the beach when I accidentally tripped over a lamp. And then there was a lot of smoke and a genie came out of it. He says,‘I shall grant you one wish.‘” So I said, “NO SHIT!!”

[Homme]

Two men walks in to a bar. The third man ducks...........

[Autumn Fox]

Originally posted by baccy_man@23 March 2004 - 11:12
(...)
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about the sheep and I won't say anything more about the baby".

That's just not right

[baccyman]

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist.Her doctor recommended that she see the well-known Chinese sex therapist, Dr.Chang, so she went to see him.
Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all you crose."

The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." So she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."Worried, the woman asked anxiously,

"Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?" Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied,

"Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your butt!"

[baccyman]

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man', Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster and more muscular than you. He'll also need your advice to think properly. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about, hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in romantic pursuits."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch, Lord?"

"Yeah, well.... you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

[baccyman]

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit.
He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it."

A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!"

The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. I've read in the Bible that Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."

His father replied, "Yes, Son, and if you read on further you'll find out that they walked everywhere they went!"

[baccyman]

God's One Mistake


First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing.' "
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.


Then he added a mouth.






Ruined the whole f**king thing.